Sarcastic and Cynical - News and Web
This is the view of news and websites from the most evil part of my brain. All websites someone threw together, or news articles that either need a different take, are a bad idea, or just involve really stupid people.
Now, for this weeks evil installment of news and web pages.
R. Kelly - Americas favorite statutory rapist is back in the news again. He stopped a concert because "people had guns." Crowd search, no guns. One of J to the Z y'alls cronies then pepper sprayed R. Kelly. Tour split up, R. Kelly is suing Jayzee. Too bad the guy didn't just piss on R. Kelly. He would have gotton a date... if he was under 18, but had reached puberty.
Queer Eye Sequal? - There is a proposed spin off to queer eye for the straight guy. Queer eye was a great idea, teach clueless straight guys like myself, how to have a clue on fashion and decorating. Plays the stereotype of gay men and straight men perfectly. Now, the spin off involves... Lesbians and straight women. I thought the stereotype of lesbians was the same as, basically, a biker or construction worker. Large, short hair, don't give a damn about style, drink beer and eat big, greasy, sammiches. Does this mean the show is going to be about lesbians teaching Hilton-esque women how stylish jeans and a vagina warrior T-shirt can be?
Ringfinger - Your ringfinger determines if you are good at logical thinking or artistic. By that note, I should be a very artistic person, not the logical analytical bastard that I am. I am rethinking my entire life, and meaning on this earth. Thanks for clarifying that for me. I liked being good at logical thinking. Now I know its not possible. My ringfinger isn't long enough.
Saving a Marriage - This idea is brilliant. I wish more people would think like this, and be willing to sacrifice so much to save their marriages. A man was willing to sacrifice his own wife's life to try to save their marriage. He valiantly threw a live wire into the bath tub, to possibly cause her to have a near death experiance, to save their marriage. He just knew she wouldn't be killed, because it was a GFI outlet the wire was connected too. So brave. So heroic. So willing to do whatever it took to save their love. She of course is pressing charges for attempted murder and is getting a divorce. Heartless wench. He was willing to sacrifice her life for marriage, and that is how she repays him.
Spim and Spam - AOHell, microsoft, yahoo, and others are suing to end IM Spam (spim?). Now I just wish AOL, Yahoo, Microsoft, Netscape would sue their own damn asses for sending me so much spam. I don't care about your netscape ISP or free hours of AOHell, I like my 3 Meg cable internet connection. I am not going to see if that 56k (limited to 53k) connection is comperable.
New Korn CD - A japanese manufacturer has created a new CD material made out of corn. It uses the new blue laser technology, and can hold 25 gigs of information on one disk. It is biodegradeable, and can theoretically be eaten, except its too damn crunchy. I think we need to grow more corn. We can run our cars off of it, make CD's out of it, and eat it. Corn, its tomorrows oil... wait... corn oil... its already here. Now I'm confused.
Reality TV - Proof again the US gets the worst reality TV shows. We get shows involving people hooking up, deserted islands, sex, people doing scary stuff, 3 people dating one loser and trying their hardest to win the affections of someone they don't like, people eating parts of animals not fit for human consumption when not in sausage form, and did I mention sex? England has a new one that tops anything we ever had. Watching a body decompose. Now THAT sounds exciting.
Canada Anyone?
Dance Lessons - Thanks to this website, I can now dance. Easy way to learn the introcate ways of dancing... Gothic.
Zap Fashion - I see this, and know why I am not fashionable. I don't think anyone is fashionable anymore, except a few cartoon characters...
X-Treme!!! - This is a great idea. You pay these people, and they kidnap you or one of your loved ones. This is an excellent idea to get your great uncle charlie with the weak heart, or your shell shocked ex-navy seal boyfriend. I am sure no lawsuits will ever happen because of this one.....
...and that concludes our update for the week.
Now, for this weeks evil installment of news and web pages.
R. Kelly - Americas favorite statutory rapist is back in the news again. He stopped a concert because "people had guns." Crowd search, no guns. One of J to the Z y'alls cronies then pepper sprayed R. Kelly. Tour split up, R. Kelly is suing Jayzee. Too bad the guy didn't just piss on R. Kelly. He would have gotton a date... if he was under 18, but had reached puberty.
Queer Eye Sequal? - There is a proposed spin off to queer eye for the straight guy. Queer eye was a great idea, teach clueless straight guys like myself, how to have a clue on fashion and decorating. Plays the stereotype of gay men and straight men perfectly. Now, the spin off involves... Lesbians and straight women. I thought the stereotype of lesbians was the same as, basically, a biker or construction worker. Large, short hair, don't give a damn about style, drink beer and eat big, greasy, sammiches. Does this mean the show is going to be about lesbians teaching Hilton-esque women how stylish jeans and a vagina warrior T-shirt can be?
Ringfinger - Your ringfinger determines if you are good at logical thinking or artistic. By that note, I should be a very artistic person, not the logical analytical bastard that I am. I am rethinking my entire life, and meaning on this earth. Thanks for clarifying that for me. I liked being good at logical thinking. Now I know its not possible. My ringfinger isn't long enough.
Saving a Marriage - This idea is brilliant. I wish more people would think like this, and be willing to sacrifice so much to save their marriages. A man was willing to sacrifice his own wife's life to try to save their marriage. He valiantly threw a live wire into the bath tub, to possibly cause her to have a near death experiance, to save their marriage. He just knew she wouldn't be killed, because it was a GFI outlet the wire was connected too. So brave. So heroic. So willing to do whatever it took to save their love. She of course is pressing charges for attempted murder and is getting a divorce. Heartless wench. He was willing to sacrifice her life for marriage, and that is how she repays him.
Spim and Spam - AOHell, microsoft, yahoo, and others are suing to end IM Spam (spim?). Now I just wish AOL, Yahoo, Microsoft, Netscape would sue their own damn asses for sending me so much spam. I don't care about your netscape ISP or free hours of AOHell, I like my 3 Meg cable internet connection. I am not going to see if that 56k (limited to 53k) connection is comperable.
New Korn CD - A japanese manufacturer has created a new CD material made out of corn. It uses the new blue laser technology, and can hold 25 gigs of information on one disk. It is biodegradeable, and can theoretically be eaten, except its too damn crunchy. I think we need to grow more corn. We can run our cars off of it, make CD's out of it, and eat it. Corn, its tomorrows oil... wait... corn oil... its already here. Now I'm confused.
Reality TV - Proof again the US gets the worst reality TV shows. We get shows involving people hooking up, deserted islands, sex, people doing scary stuff, 3 people dating one loser and trying their hardest to win the affections of someone they don't like, people eating parts of animals not fit for human consumption when not in sausage form, and did I mention sex? England has a new one that tops anything we ever had. Watching a body decompose. Now THAT sounds exciting.
Canada Anyone?
Dance Lessons - Thanks to this website, I can now dance. Easy way to learn the introcate ways of dancing... Gothic.
Zap Fashion - I see this, and know why I am not fashionable. I don't think anyone is fashionable anymore, except a few cartoon characters...
X-Treme!!! - This is a great idea. You pay these people, and they kidnap you or one of your loved ones. This is an excellent idea to get your great uncle charlie with the weak heart, or your shell shocked ex-navy seal boyfriend. I am sure no lawsuits will ever happen because of this one.....
...and that concludes our update for the week.
posted by Michael at 11/06/2004 10:48:00 AM
Times
4 Comments:
oh man, you crack my ass up! thank you for giving me a good laugh today!
Glad I brought you a laugh. That was the main purpose of this blog, to entertain. Good to know I am succeeding.
"Saving a Marriage" - your take on this made me laugh out loud. And then I got sad because I realized that natural selection is not taking care of the Mr. Dahlby's of the world.
I already have a twisted theory on natural selection not working I am going to have to write about one day. Its twisted and offensive to some.
So, it's perfect for my blog.
And thank you. I am here to amuse... mostly.
Post a Comment
<< Home