PC Krimmus Tale

Hey kids, have I ever told you the story of the magical non-religious politically correct holiday known as Krimmus?

No?

Well then, you’re in for a treat. Gather round and I’ll share the story.

Way up north lives a man who goes by the name of Santa Clause. Santa is a jolly, physically fit man. He stays so fit and in shape by exercising regularly, eating healthy, and avoiding sweets.

Santa isn’t single either. He entered into the terms of wedlock with none other than Ms. Rosie the Riveter. Mr. Clause and Ms. Riveter live happily in their comfortable house, which is powered and heated by solar energy and wind turbines.

They both are the sole proprietors of the holiday Krimmus, in which they have a copy write to.

Now, as each has an equal and fair share of this copy write, they both equally share the royalties of the business, although their duties are separate of each other.

Santa is in charge of keeping the ledger, tracking all the children of the world whose parents signed and dated affidavits of consent to have their children’s behavior monitored for eligibility of presents.

Rosie keeps the sleigh and toy factory in proper working order, and negotiates with the elves Union steward.

Now, Santa and Rosie’s sleigh is something to behold of. It can fly without consuming any fossil fuels, causes no pollution, and does not need to be moved by being pulled by animals, as our friends at PETA would be highly against.

The factory is much the same. It doesn’t require fossil fuels to run, and the elves all work 40 hours a week, and are highly compensated with exceptional pay, a generous retirement plan, and full medical and dental coverage!!! Sometimes the elves wonder why they even have a union, and a union steward. Of course the Elvin union is all on the up and up, and is just there to facilitate better communication between management and worker.

Now, every year on December 24^th, Rosie, Santa, and the happy elves load the sleigh to deliver toys to all the good children…

Wait…

What???

We’re sorry. This years PC Krimmus tale has been canceled due to a complaint that Elves are being stereotyped as nothing but workers in a factory.