News to Abuse

Bush "Fit for Duty" - Our high and exhaulted grand leader Dubya was declared in good physical condition by a team of 10 medical doctors. I read some of his reports, and was quite impressed. The man is in good physical condition. I have one problem though. None of the doctors was a psychiatrist. Its not the fitness of his body I question. Then again, these are probably the same doctors that said Bubba was in good health.

Terrorist Sex in Cuba - One of the detainees at Guantanamo bay was offered the services of prostitutes to spy on other suspects. Gotta love the government. Complain about prostitution being a problem in Cuba, then hire them to have sex with the terrorists. Make up ya damn minds!!!!!

We're From Canada Eh - Traveling abroad? Pose as a Canadian!!! A company will provide you with all you need. Crappy Canadian flag shirt, lapel pin, and dictionary, complete with all forty-seven uses of eh, and the proper usage of the term hoser. Eh hoser, lets go get loaded eh?

Canadian Wedding - Canada's Supreme Court has allowed gay weddings. Churches do not have to perform them, if they go against the churches doctrine. Of course, this means the sanctity of marriage must be shot to hell. I mean, marriage in the eyes of God knows no international borders. So, conservatives, you have two choices. 1) Allow gay marriage and give up on the ammendment -OR- 2) Nuke Canada. I mean, whats a little nuclear warfare to save the sanctity of marriage?

Ban Christianity - In yet another vile case of this "Religion" called "Christianity" somone once again has murdered in the name of "God." I think this has gone too far. We need to either ban Christianity, or put little warning labels on all churches that say "Caution: God may tell you to kill someone, which is against the law" on them.

Parents Go on Strike - Some kids parents have gone on strike, and moved into the front yard. The kids are complaining. This is where I say the kids are dumb. I know what I would do. First, I would change the locks in the middle of the night. Then, I would become an even bigger slob. Do as much damage to the house as possible till my parents grew up and learned how to act their age.

Preschoolers Lunch - While a bunch of pre-schoolers were pretending like they were dogs, the teachers aid went into the bin of "things they should not eat" and poured a few plates of dog food. A few kids ate it. Of course one of the kids parents are complaining. I say, big deal. What little kid hasn't eaten dog food. I mean, just look at it. Crunchy. Beefy. Especially the stuff that makes its own... gravy... mmmmmm.....

Weed For Food - Yet another scandal. Seems the weed for food system wasn't working. Someone "accidentally" put 20#'s of marijuana on the truck, instead of food. Uh huh. We all know it was someone in the UN pulling something. Can't trust no one. I say we need someone more trustworthy, like Marion Berry to Weed for Food.

Ganja Clause - It amazes me how traditions in countries differ. In the US, kids get toys, candy, and underwear for Krimmus. In Brazil kids get a phat sack of marijuana. We complain about a drug problem here, at least here we don't have 400 pound men sneaking down our chimneys to leave our children drugs.

Salad Bar Hacking - In Japan, you are only allowed one trip to the salad bar. (Kinda kills the point, don't ya think?) In order to combat this, people have come up with ways to get as much food as possible onto an itty bitty plate. Click the link, you'll see.

LiveStrong - Don't like someone? Get them the Lance Armstrong "Live Strong" bracelet. Why might you ask? Simple. They are the same color and similar in style to the "do not resucitate" bracelets worn by terminally ill patients in hospitals. If someone gets you one, I wouldn't trust that person anymore. Don't accept open drinks from them either.

Wally World Sued Again - Yet another lawsuit against Wal-Mart. We all know how Wally prides itself on selling edited music and assault weapons, promoting a wholesome lifestyle. It seems that they were selling an Evenescence CD/DVD that had... the F-word on it!!!!! A man was shocked and appalled that his poor innocent 13 year old daughter heard the F-word. To that, I say... big fucking deal. I mean, what the fuck. You are fucking telling me, the little fuck has never heard any motherfucker use the fucking word fuck ever in her fucking life? Bull fucking shit. I heard the fucking word for the first time when I was 2 at fucking McDonalds you fuck. Your daughters ears were not fucking virginal, its not worth 7.9 fucking million dollars. Get a fucking clue. At 13 she can get in a fucking movie, and hear people say fuck, and see people in scenes were fucking is about to happen. Fucker.

I Learn Better... Nekkid - Its been custom at some artsy school for students to walk around campus, sunbathe, and such nude. All was fine and dandy until a year ago when a new dean, probably a Republican, took over. Some prospective student and thier parents, probably christians from texas, saw a naked person, and freaked. Now he is putting an end to it. Hey people, I hate to break something to you... nudity is not evil. Its not like people were having sex against a tree in the middle of campus. Its local custom. The locals are ok with it. You have to adjust to them, they don't have to adjust to you.

Disabled Nude Calandar - Ok, this is an odd one. While surfing some of my regular sites I came across a link that said just that.... of course I had to click. Yes, women, nude, in wheelchairs, as a calandar. I was shocked, amazed, and turned on all at once. Its official, I am a sick individual.