Does It Come with Kung Fu Grip?

A Republican's wet dream come true. Jesus, Mary, and Moses... the action figures. Some company has found a way to profit off the prophet. They now make biblical toys that say religious type things at the push of a button. Now Jesus can battle the forces of Cobra Commander, or Megatron, or hell, even My Little Pony. Jesus can stop their evil by turning water into wine and causing the forces of Cobra to get shitfaced, and not fight well. Now THAT is a true hero. Hope no mishaps in the speech happen, like with Po of the teletubbies.

So, Jesus, son of god, the messiah, how does it feel to die for our sins, and be turned into a material possession? I'm sure he would think great, I'm available for the low price of $24.99 at a store near you.