How To Run A Successful Political Campaign
I've avoided my politicalness, besides humor, on this blog. This original post shall be no different. It's intended to be funny, because it is true. My whole point of making this point, is because I am disgusted by this years campaigns more than I have ever been disgusted by politicians. I have noticed similarities between both camps, and feel the need to point them out, on how to run a "successful" campaign.
First, you must find your biggest weakness, and claim it is why you are heads up above your opponant. If you claim it is your strength, it makes all attacks on your record meaningless, because you say its something you are good at.
Second, you must twist anything that ever comes out of your opponants mouth around, and use as little of it as possible, to attack them. Repeat this claim 8 times minimum a speech. If your opponant claims, for example, that he loves the sheep herding industry, and it needs federal support. Then you must claim your opponant loves sheep, and that he sleeps with them.
Third, pick a runningmate that is everything that you are not perceived as.
Fourth, go back as far as possible into your opponants past, and dig up whatever dirt is available. If your opponant was caught peaking in the girls lockeroom in high school, use that to label him as a pervert 40 years later. Hell, people don't change in 40 years, do they?
Fifth, re-write history for your benefit. My example on this is going to be something in this election, and in several past elections... Vietnam. For what in history books as far as I have ever read, was an unpopular war, I've heard candidates slammed for dodging, serving, serving in the National guard and not regular service, medals, service record, and opinions on the war. Give me a fucking break. THE SHIT HAPPENED 30 YEARS AGO!!! I think the guys have changed a bit in the past 30 years.
Sixth, dig up as many numbers on your record, and broadcast any positives, and claim they are indicators of how great you are.
Seventh, claim any negative number on your record as being meaningless, because you have another number, slightly related, that is a positive.
Eighth, place blame for anything on a sophisticated sounding term or the media. Notice how both sides blame the media? Here is a hint. CNN is for liberals, Fox News is for conservatives. I know people out there will claim one is and one isn't biased, and odds are, the party they affiliate with is the news that is non biased. My reply to any of that will be "my ass" and thats it.
Ninth, bring up old moral issues, dealt with years ago, that you will not be able to change, and make it an issue. I don't care if your president, the rulings on abortion aren't going to change. Its a dumb argument for a political campaign. No one goes "you got an abortion, GREAT!!! Your family must be so proud." No one likes abortion, if they are pro-life or pro-choice.
DAVE CHAPPELLE AS RICK JAMES BITCH FOR PRESIDENT!!!
First, you must find your biggest weakness, and claim it is why you are heads up above your opponant. If you claim it is your strength, it makes all attacks on your record meaningless, because you say its something you are good at.
Second, you must twist anything that ever comes out of your opponants mouth around, and use as little of it as possible, to attack them. Repeat this claim 8 times minimum a speech. If your opponant claims, for example, that he loves the sheep herding industry, and it needs federal support. Then you must claim your opponant loves sheep, and that he sleeps with them.
Third, pick a runningmate that is everything that you are not perceived as.
Fourth, go back as far as possible into your opponants past, and dig up whatever dirt is available. If your opponant was caught peaking in the girls lockeroom in high school, use that to label him as a pervert 40 years later. Hell, people don't change in 40 years, do they?
Fifth, re-write history for your benefit. My example on this is going to be something in this election, and in several past elections... Vietnam. For what in history books as far as I have ever read, was an unpopular war, I've heard candidates slammed for dodging, serving, serving in the National guard and not regular service, medals, service record, and opinions on the war. Give me a fucking break. THE SHIT HAPPENED 30 YEARS AGO!!! I think the guys have changed a bit in the past 30 years.
Sixth, dig up as many numbers on your record, and broadcast any positives, and claim they are indicators of how great you are.
Seventh, claim any negative number on your record as being meaningless, because you have another number, slightly related, that is a positive.
Eighth, place blame for anything on a sophisticated sounding term or the media. Notice how both sides blame the media? Here is a hint. CNN is for liberals, Fox News is for conservatives. I know people out there will claim one is and one isn't biased, and odds are, the party they affiliate with is the news that is non biased. My reply to any of that will be "my ass" and thats it.
Ninth, bring up old moral issues, dealt with years ago, that you will not be able to change, and make it an issue. I don't care if your president, the rulings on abortion aren't going to change. Its a dumb argument for a political campaign. No one goes "you got an abortion, GREAT!!! Your family must be so proud." No one likes abortion, if they are pro-life or pro-choice.
DAVE CHAPPELLE AS RICK JAMES BITCH FOR PRESIDENT!!!
posted by Michael at 10/31/2004 06:33:00 AM
Times
3 Comments:
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that's an excellent breakdown! thanks for commenting on my blog so i could come read yours!
Thanks. Brief moment of clarity or something like that. Then I started clicking the happy fun "next blog" button, and read some opinions that I just agreed with a bit too much.
Amazing how politics makes so many people go blind to the truth.
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