Evil News

"Bush Taps Rice To Replace Powell" - that was exactly what the headline said. Of course the pervert in my brain made that take a different meaning than it was supposed to. My mind goes to... "tappin dat ass like a keg." Thats me though. I have to give credit to Bush though. She is better looking than Monica.

Fidel Castro is a genius - Castro announced what many of us already thought. The Osama tape was a ploy by the Bush campaign to rally those people on farms to vote for him because he will save them from terrorists. Why did the people in the cities that would actually get attacked not favor Bush?

Another sign of the Apocolypse - We already know Bush is the anti-christ, now we have a plaig of locusts in Egypt. There was an eclipse a few weeks ago, the moon was red...

Old Christian Morals - I'm sure this makes many Republicans happy, as a family decided to go back to their old christian morals. How so? They wanted to sacrifice their children on the alter in their church. Sick bastards. See what those old christian morals can do to a person?

Crime Fighting Power - The ultimate in crime stopping. Shrek. Shrek scares robbers into turning themselves in. I know if that big green ogre was chasing me, I'd run to the police.

Check Out the ENTIRE House before Buying - I don't know how stupid someone can be. People bought a house, and found the dead body in a bedroom upstairs that had been there for 2 years. I don't quite understand this one. If I am going to buy a house, I check out the furnace, roof, foundation, rooms for dead bodies... Just seems natural to make sure my next house isn't filled with corpses.

Beer of Youth - at last, my dream come true. An anti-aging beer. Now my beer diet can be more effective. A bowl of total cereal, with beer instead of milk, and as much beer and water you want the rest of the day. You'll pass out from alcohol poisoning before your calorie intake is over 1800. Switch that beer to anti again, you can live FOREVER and look good doing it.

Dogs Have the Life - In order to get her dog to bond with her baby, a woman is breast feeding the puppy, and will continue to do so for at least six months. I'd hate to know what she does to have the dog bond with her husband. sings "Tag team, back again...

Greatest Manniquins EVER - stores now have "Big Booty" manniquins. I must say, great idea. Nothing better than booty like these manniquins. I am looking forward to the day when the waifs are out of business, and the real women are plastered all over television and magazines. Oh to dream.

Scientific Study Says T-Rex "Fancied" Ribs - This is what our research money goes to? Fuck a cure for cancer, or a cure for Aids... I wanna know if T-Rex preferred Chicago or Kansas City style ribs. I could have told them T-Rex liked ribs for a lot less money just by showing them a damn tape of the Flintstones. Fred knew it. Barney knew it. Joe Rockhead knew it. Idiot scientists didn't.

PETA Campaigns Against Eating Fish - Ok, I really hate PETA. Meat is good. They are trying to say that fish are intelligent, caring animals. LMAO. Idiots. PETA is simply a group of people that were corrupted by cartoons. They think animals live in cities, drive cars, and that sharks talk like Curly from the stooges. Before long they'll be telling people that broccoli has a spirit, and shouldn't be eaten. People Eat Tasty Animals. I can't say it enough. I'm gonna eat a nice tasty cow now. MOOOOOOO!!!!

Pole Dancing - Yes, the webite is true. You can buy a stripper grade pole for your house or apartment. It assembles and dissassembles easily. Its great for parties. I love this idea. We all need to learn the art of pole dancing. Male and female alike. I mean, what could be more fun than putting on a nice skimpy leather outfit and swinging around on a pole?

VHEMT - Interesting group. Their members pledge not to procreate, since our society is going to hell fast, and it would be wrong to bring another life into our mess. The voluntary human extinction movement. Great idea. I salute you. I wonder if I can get a stripper pole AND a vasectemy for Krimmus?

My Hairy Ass - This website defies description. Just click.

...and that concludes our update for the week.