Newsday

Fired on Day Off - And I thought this only happened in the movie "Friday." A man who had been working for the Miller brewery for four years, was fired on his day off, because a picture of him showed up in the paper, drinking a beer. He was off work, enjoying a beer with his friends. He was drinking Budweiser. The day that picture was printed in the paper, he was called into an office, and fired. Now, if they give away free beer, he should be fired. I mean, free beer is worth it.

No Beer Bellies - Another great study, that I am sure will improve my life. Rats don't have beer bellies, because they treat drinking beer as a meal, while humans don't. That is why they don't get beer bellies. I am so thankful that we spent thousands to possibly millions of dollars to find this out. I am sure this information will benefit me. I never thought that beer was empty calories. I always thought it was pure, wholesome nutrition. I am glad those rats taught me such a valuable lesson. I shall now appoint them my rulers, and do their bidding.

One Cup of Wine... - Beware world, China will soon corner the market on alcohol. Forget every other countries specialty brew, fermentation, and distillation. China has them all beat. People will never want to drink that French Wine, Mexican Tequilla, Russian Vodka, or 18 year Highland Single Malt Double barrell Scotch again!!! Why would you want that, when you could have some yummy Chinese fish wine. Mouth watering already huh?

Babies Love Mountain Dew - Yet another reason why people have fat kids. Not by giving kids artificially flavored carbonated beverages (pop, soda, coke). A parent wouldn't think of doing that. They give them juice nonstop. Too bad most of the juice they give them has as many calories, sometimes more, than the alternative. 50 years ago kids drank water and milk. Now kids get 1500 calories a day of Juicee Juice, made with real sugar!!!!!

Microsoft c4r35 - The trusted people at microsoft, give a complex look into the internet fad of leetspeak. Where the annoying kids type in characters with foul capitalization so that people have difficulty understanding what they are typing, so they seem cool. I think leetspeakers are the same kids that were given Mt. Dew as babies, and have caffiene rot of their brains.

Good Morning Neighbor - Right before they went on vacation, a couple set up a fun little toy. A shitload [Ed. Note: a large number of. Mass quantity.] of speakers, with a timer set to make the sound of a rooster, every night, between 2 and 4 am, for 20 minutes. It would wake all the neighbors. The neighbors just called the cops, and the people got a fine. They said the people never showed animosity before. I wouldn't have been so nice. First off, I would have cut the power to the idiots house. Its not hard to do, I could have got a friend to help me. No power to the fridge, rotton food = stinky house. I have a rather long list of "other" things I have planned, but this could be used as evidence one day...

Free Land - Getting sick of living in your thriving community? Pack up and move to some backwards, dying, little town in Kansas and get a free plot of land. All you have to do is build a home and live in it for a year. Now just have to watch out for those tornados that throw your new house on witches.

POW's? Bah!!! - American POWs who were captured and beaten during the original gulf war, and had been court ordered a settlement, had the white house overrule that settlement. Our own POWs don't need money for being tortured and abused according to the white house. Would cut into those profits dubs and Halliburton are going to be making off of Iraq. Take a billion dollars away, and dubs isn't going to have as much money in his pocket. Iraq needs that money more than our POWs do, according to the white house.

No Late Fees My Ass - There is already a class action lawsuit against blockbuster for its bullshit no late fees claim, since some stores don't participate, and the ones that do mark you down as buying the movie after 8 days. The class action is only in New Jersey, so everyone who got screwed in this brief... month or so, don't go running out trying to sign up just yet.

Stem Cells Improve Lifestyles - I am so thankful. The ultimate improvement in our lives from stem cell research is within grasp. The better breast implant. It holds shape better. Feels better. Looks better. I'm soooooo happy. I really hated saline implants, and silicone were just too dangerous. Stem cells may finally turn my opinion of breast implants around. YAY stem cell research!!!

Gaming Ads - Ever get pissed at ads during games? Ever not wanna quit playing a game so you could do something like... get food? Everquest 2 figured out a way around that. They built in a command, to order pizza, while playing. So now, while playing EQ2 for 12 hours straight, you can order some pizza hut online, so you can eat and chant to restore your mana.

Pimpzilla - As any regular knows, I got pissed at internet explorer and quit using it, and started using mozilla firefox. Fun thing is, you can customize it, since it is open source software. I now have a new skin for it, called pimpzilla. Its all fur, gold, and diamonds. Big pimpin. Here's a screenshot of it.

Rockrage Band Fonts - Page with a bunch of fonts you can install on your comp that are designed like various bands have on their albums. Aerosmith, Alice In Chains, Evenescence, Def Leppard, Mushroomhead, Pantera, Slipknot, Korn, WHITESNAKE!!!! and others....

UglyPeople.com - Pictures of people, and you get to rate how ugly you think they are. Some are really ugly, some are just making faces, some bad photoshop jobs...

2005 Computer Calendar - Oh, this is anyone named Poindexter with a pocket protector's wet dream. They don't build em like this anymore. Wow.