Multipal Quickies

I've somehow managed to develop a social life as of recent, so whoops, there goes the ability to post. I missed posting on a lot of things I wanted to...

I was saddened by the loss of James Brown. I've been a fan of his music for quite a while, not to mention the man's effect on popular music. He truly is a legend and will be missed.

Also, for some odd reason... I am upset by Saddam's murder. I don't get this one. The man truly lived the life of an evil bastard. The only good he ever provided the world was as a comical side note to the ugliness of the war in Iraq.

My blog has now surpassed the 25,000 hit mark.

I'd also like to announce I am actually reading a book that doesn't have pictures in it, or a tie to a science fiction series. And no... its not a mainstream book either. I met the author on MySpace and they did their job well... sold me on buying and reading their book. So far I'm liking the book.

In addition, I'd like to use this post to announce the return of blogging legend GayNinjaRobot.

I also have to do my post on person of the year... and a year end music post... I'll probably get to them when i have a couple days off tuesday and wednesday...

until then, Happy New Years everyone, from your blogging four eyed ogre with extra long and shiny hair.

PC Krimmus Tale

Hey kids, have I ever told you the story of the magical non-religious politically correct holiday known as Krimmus?

No?

Well then, you’re in for a treat. Gather round and I’ll share the story.

Way up north lives a man who goes by the name of Santa Clause. Santa is a jolly, physically fit man. He stays so fit and in shape by exercising regularly, eating healthy, and avoiding sweets.

Santa isn’t single either. He entered into the terms of wedlock with none other than Ms. Rosie the Riveter. Mr. Clause and Ms. Riveter live happily in their comfortable house, which is powered and heated by solar energy and wind turbines.

They both are the sole proprietors of the holiday Krimmus, in which they have a copy write to.

Now, as each has an equal and fair share of this copy write, they both equally share the royalties of the business, although their duties are separate of each other.

Santa is in charge of keeping the ledger, tracking all the children of the world whose parents signed and dated affidavits of consent to have their children’s behavior monitored for eligibility of presents.

Rosie keeps the sleigh and toy factory in proper working order, and negotiates with the elves Union steward.

Now, Santa and Rosie’s sleigh is something to behold of. It can fly without consuming any fossil fuels, causes no pollution, and does not need to be moved by being pulled by animals, as our friends at PETA would be highly against.

The factory is much the same. It doesn’t require fossil fuels to run, and the elves all work 40 hours a week, and are highly compensated with exceptional pay, a generous retirement plan, and full medical and dental coverage!!! Sometimes the elves wonder why they even have a union, and a union steward. Of course the Elvin union is all on the up and up, and is just there to facilitate better communication between management and worker.

Now, every year on December 24^th, Rosie, Santa, and the happy elves load the sleigh to deliver toys to all the good children…

Wait…

What???

We’re sorry. This years PC Krimmus tale has been canceled due to a complaint that Elves are being stereotyped as nothing but workers in a factory.

Time to Bid...

This is a great description on an Ebay bid.

(click here now and it WILL consume you)

Pro Bowl

DA BEARS have the most pro bowl players on the NFC squad this year. On defense: middle linebacker Brian Urlacher, outside linebacker Lance Briggs, and defensive tackle Tommie Harris.

Of course only Olin Kreutz (center) from the Offense made it.

The rest come from... of all things... special teams. Makes sense since they've won many games for them. Robbie Gould the kicker, Brendon Ayanbaedjo (special teamer), and Devin Hester (returns).

Might I add, for all those who don't know, Hester is a bad ass. In this, his rookie season, he set the record for most returns for touchdowns - one being a 108 yard return on a missed field goal.

My New Goal

I'd like to announce my next goal: to sing at the Grammy's with Justin Timberlake.

This is exactly what the world needs. All 98 pounds of Justin Timberlake and his bringing sexy back ways, singing next to a 6' 0" 265 pound, Shrek-like ogre like myself.

I figure I'll start off singing, and going along with the pre-arranged bit. Then, about halfway through, I'll tear my top off, exposing my hairy manboobs to the world, and go into singing "Walk" by Pantera.

During that time I will also proceed into smacking Mr. Timberlake around.

I can see it now...

"You can't be something your not!" *Having J.T. laying face down on the stage, my knee in his back.*
"Be yourself" *smashes J.T.'s face into floor*
"By yourself" *smashes J.T.'s face into floor*
"Stay away from me" *smashes J.T.'s face into floor*
"A lesson learned in life, known from the dawn of time." *sung while staring him the the face.*
"RE!!!" *smashes J.T.'s face into floor*
"SPECT!!!" *smashes J.T.'s face into floor*

Now... to begin practicing singing "Vision of Love" by Mariah Carey so I can win this thing.

Bush's New Iraq Strategy

Bush has come up with a new strategy for Iraq, that will also solve a problem at home.

He's going to send all the displaced New Orleans residents to Baghdad, with their lovely FEMA trailers.

He figures with such a large influx of good, Christian American's, it can only help to defeat the purveyors of evil... the TERRORISTS. A new and safer Iraq is bound to come from this new direction in strategy.

Skools out 4 WINTER!!!

Got out of my last final and last class for the fall semester tonight.

I have henceforth started drinking (a Samuel Smith's India Ale for those who might wonder).

A month of JUST work... it sounds so simple and easy and relaxing and potentially full of happy times.

I might even be able to blog again.

That'd be pretty sweet.

Those Huge American Condoms Don't Fit

Men in India are having problems with the worlds condom sizing. Seems we Americans and Europeans have been manufacturing condoms that are just too big for them. Seems when they try to use them, they end up falling off.

Its OK, manufacturers are taking this into account and are creating XXSmall condoms, for the petite man.

Imagine having to go through a crowded check out line at Wal-Mart with a pack of those in your hand. Good time to pick up the cashier eh?

Scary Mary

Stankonia

An American Airlines Flight was forced to make an emergency landing because of a woman who was giving up the funk. Yes, she was passing gas. Farting, or whatever else you wish to call it.

Actually, it wasn't her foul scented colon that actually brought the plane down, it was her method of cover up. In her ingenious mind state, she decided it best to cover up the scent of her rectal bouquet by lighting matches.

The crew smelled burning sulfur, and went for an emergency landing.

Hows that for a great idea on how to conceal your gastric disorder?

In the Year 1994

Blasphemers

I don't know if I should laugh, or go on a crusade... declare Jihad... dance... something...