Kids Are Dumb

Apparently, the next generation coming up out of high school, is full of dumbasses. It is going to be, simply put, the worst generation America has ever seen. I have come up with the name of it, the "Conformist Generation."

I am a Gen Xer. I was followed closely by the Y Generation. We were both unique, and strong in our own rights. Although Xers were perceived as slackers, we just took a different route than past generations. The Y generation has proven to be a tough bunch. The new group though... ugh. They are conformists and dumb as rocks. Why? Simple.

They don't think the first ammendment is a big deal. You read that right. Government censorship would not be a big deal to 17% of them. This is our future. A bunch of dumb ass, conforming, non-questioning, don't mind being shut up by the government, dumb asses.

If it wasn't for freedom of speech, my ass would have been hauled off and locked up for making fun of dubs a long time ago. I probably would have been executed for treason because I didn't bow down to the government. THAT is what the right to free speech is. They don't realize that.

Parents, go out, teach your kids that. If they don't get it, beat the shit out of them. If they open their mouth, tell them they don't have the right to free speech, and beat the fuck out of them again. Repeat the process until they feel free speech is important. Its the only way we will keep our freedoms, is to make our future generations learn how important they are.

It isn't popular views that need to be protected. No one supresses that right. Unpopular views are what need protection, and always have. When did expressing the view everyone else has need protecting?

(source)

Eighties Quiz

Nothing but questions on eighties music lyrics. I didn't do so hot. Early eighties I listened to nothing but country. Should have thrown some Willie Nelson, Glen Campbell, and Kenny Roger's songs on there. There was no Kool Moe Dee on there either.

Don't Quote Me, I Said Nothing Worth Repeating

• A leader is best when people barely know he exists, not so good when people obey and acclaim him, worse when they despise him. But of a good leader who talks little when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: We did it ourselves. - Lao-Tzu
• Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
• Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert
• Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. - Jean Paul Sartre
• There are more books on books than any other subject. - Michel de Montaigne
• Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers

That News Thing I Break So Well

Romanitic Huh? - In the northern Italian town of Padua, just 40 miles away from the town of Verona, a man committed suicide as his wife layed in a coma. Of course, she woke up a day later. That is why you never give up hope, and kill yourself. Idiot.

Undead - After declaring a man dead, his body was taken to the morgue. A few hours later, his body was found breathing. I have officially declared this man a zombie. He will begin craving human brains, to fulfil his zombie need for life. Only brains will keep him alive now. It is only a matter of time before his kind will take over the world. We are all doomed. I am going to go the way of the idiot from Padua rather than give in to the zombie conspiracy. I will not feed the zombie takeover of America.

Bionic Dolphin - A man created his dream, a big robotic dolphin. I fear this. I think he is going to mount lasers and torpedos and probably a few tactical nukes to the thing, and hold the world hostage for a few hundred bucks, a forty ounce, postage stamps, some bacon, an envelope, a cracker with the spread of chedder cheese...

Your Not Fully Clean - Got dandriff? Don't have to worry about it anymore, with new Llama Shampoo!!! Made with real llama anti-fungals taken from a live llama's bloodstream, and chemically reproduced in a lab. It even has that fresh llama scent.

New Weight Loss Program - If you sleep more, you will lose weight. That's what this study says. Shorting yourself on sleep makes you gain weight. Just 16 more minutes of sleep a day. They forgot to add that 16 minutes of sleep has to come during meals.

No More Straight A's - A new law might make it in Texas. It affects the school kids. Teachers get to give kids grades on if they are FAT!!! Yes, great way to boost a young childs self esteem. Straight A's and one big, fat F for FAT!!! Timmy is smart, but he's fat. I'm sure that will wear on him over the course of the years, lowering his wanting to go to school, till he no longer pulls those A's in class, and becomes a failure. Good idea.

No More P.E. - Since we are getting fatter (and getting F's for being fat), some schools are dropping physical education. The program isn't working, so, just dump it. Good idea. I have a better one. How about, if they actually educate students on how to be in shape? HUH? Yes, go off the name. Not just shove everyone on a basketball court, or volleyball court. One of those five days a week, make a class day. Could go back to the old days too. Same sex PE classes. Make the class HARD. Not fun and games. Then it might work too. Just a few thoughts.

Illegal Artwork - A 9 year old and a 10 year old have been arrested on felony charges for drawing pictures. The pictures did have a classmate hanging and with knives in them, but... it was just a drawing!!! Have you heard, counceling? Suspension. Expulsion. Then again, in the days of pre-emptive everything, you are guilty before commiting a crime. It does make things much safer that way. Fuck the law.

Vague Fondle - A law forbidding dancers from fondling customers in clubs in Vegas has been declared "Unconstitionally vague." Remember my constitional ammendment idea a few weeks back? I think this is paving the way for it. Oh yes. This is the beginning of the liberal snap back. Just watch. Billy is gonna have his falafel and eat it too.

Viagra Side Effect - Scientists discovered that viagra has a side effect. It may help enlarged hearts. I think I know why. It diverts bloodflow from the heart to other places of the body. Pretty simple huh?

David Getting Dirty - A few years after restoration, Michelangelo's David is getting dirty again. Tourists bring in large amounts of dust, contaminating the work of art. I of course, while reading the article, couldn't help but snicker at one part. When they mentioned "delicate features." I'm sorry, when you are talking about a several foot long marble falice, I don't consider it delicate.

Prom Princess - Now this, is the dress, to end all dresses. Its a prom dress. It is exactly what every mother and father would love to see their daughter wearing. I mean, it's perfect. She can go to the prom, no other girl in school will wear the dress, guarenteed. Plus, it has the benefit of her date only needing .0000000001 seconds to take her top off. That is what every parent wants for their daughter, right? Then again, her top will be off about eight times doing things like, standing still with a slight breeze blowing past.

New Ally in War on Drugs - Bar owners in Britain have found a way to keep people from doing coke off the top of sinks in the bar. Wipe em down with WD-40. Chemical reaction. I love this. I wanna wipe down peoples bathroom sinks with WD-40 now, just to piss off coke users across the country. Pepsi is so much better.

More Cartoon Backlash - Some PBS cartoon, Buster Bunny, is getting blasted because it has lesbian couples in the background in an episode. I have but one question. Was a big deal made, when Bugs Bunny dressed up as Brunhilda and gave Elmer Fudd a big kiss? I mean, that was cross dressing and homosexual all rolled up into one.

Space: The Wino Frontier - You wanna know why there are Trekkies out there, like me? Simple. Trek was about getting drunk and picking up women. Now out of my way, I need some Kanar.

Toons, Videos, and Games

Paperback Bust - New Neurotically Yours. Continuation of the last one, where Germaines boobs get magically enhanced...

Teen Girl Squad 8 - This is Strongbad's Comic strip. Strongbad does the voices, writing, and animation, music... This episode, the girls enter a battle of the bands.

Annoying Loop - Weeblstuff put this thin on their site, as yet another supposed fill in for the wait for Magical Trevor 2. I know Magical Trevor. Trevor and I are friends. This loop, is NO Magical Trevor.

Bears and Raccoons - What happens when a bear sneaks up on a raccoon? Lets find out.

Running of the Bulls - We've all seen running of the bulls footage. I've never seen this one happen, but I've always wanted to.

Boobs, Butt, or Shoulder - Its a game. You see a cropped picture. You have to guess if it is boobs, a butt, or a shoulder (armpit). Me, being a total perv, only scored a 50%. Either I need to study up anatomy better, or the game is really difficult.

Escape From Neverland - Lock and load. Keep the little boys from escaping neverland. HEEHEE. WOO!!!!!

Fascism 101 (edited)

I found this on a friends journal, and had to post it. It scares me with what it indirectly says [ed. What am I saying? I've thought dubs is a fascist pig for years. When did I pretend to get PC with the president? It still scares me though.]

I did a search on the writer, and found several websites mentioning Dr. Lawrence Britt who wrote the thesis. It is all on Fascist regimes of Hitler (Germany), Mussolini (Italy), Franco (Spain), Suharto (Indonesia) and several Latin American regimes. He found 14 characteristics that were common amongst all of them.

1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism - Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.
2. Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights - Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded that human rights can be ignored in certain cases because of "need." The people tend to look the other way or even approve of torture, summary executions, assassinations, long incarcerations of prisoners, etc.
3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause - The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceived common threat or foe: racial , ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists, terrorists, etc
4. Supremacy of the Military - Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized.
5. Rampant Sexism - The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid. Divorce, abortion and homosexuality are suppressed and the state is represented as the ultimate guardian of the family institution.
6. Controlled Mass Media - Sometimes to media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled by government regulation, or sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Censorship, especially in war time, is very common.
7. Obsession with National Security - Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses.
8. Religion and Government are Intertwined - Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate public opinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to the government's policies or actions.
9. Corporate Power is Protected - The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation often are the ones who put the government leaders into power, creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.
10. Labor Power is Suppressed - Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminated entirely, or are severely suppressed.
11. Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts - Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommon for professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free expression in the arts and letters is openly attacked.
12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment - Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willing to overlook police abuses and even forego civil liberties in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power in fascist nations.
13. Rampant Cronyism and Corruption - Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other to government positions and use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes for national resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.
14. Fraudulent Elections - Sometimes elections in fascist nations are a complete sham. Other times elections are manipulated by smear campaigns against or even assassination of opposition candidates, use of legislation to control voting numbers or political district boundaries, and manipulation of the media. Fascist nations also typically use their judiciaries to manipulate or control elections.

(repost of original article)

(source 1)

(source 2)

Of course now I begin my cut and paste e-mail campaign in response to anyone who sends me some sort of preachy e-mail that I don't agree with.

The Changing Face of Sex Talk

I read an article the other day, that said the way American's talk about sex has changed greatly over the past 15 years. I thought for a little bit, and there was no way I could disagree with that. The article went in a completely different direction than what I was thinking, but it did spark something in my mind, that I feel needs to be addressed. This is how the face of sex has changed.

You watch TV, you see ad's on sex. These ad's have spokespeople. Who turned up as a spokesperson? A former congressmen, who was the Republican nomination for the white house in 1996. Yes, Mr. Bob Dole. Bob Dole, the conservative, wants you to know about his erection while you are watching football. That is the state of the way we talk about sex.

Janet's boob, which this website has found to be non-offensive, is not ok to air. But Bob Dole could talk about the pills he takes to end his erectile disfunction on national TV. Again, young woman's boob, old man talking about his hard on? I think that one doesn't even need a poll. Bob might have even beat the FCC...

Why is it ok to air old men talking about boners? Because old men talking about getting bloodflow into their meat poles pays your congressmens bills. He was a former congressman. I'm sure that a lot of congressmen are funded by our drug companies.

I know those specific commercials no longer air, but other ones and similar drugs still do. When you look at what really shows up on your TV, and hits your airwaves, do you think the right fight is being picked? Should we be fighting Janet's tit and naked cartoon ass or Bob Dole's hard cock?

New Poll, Fresh Results, and a kill.

I have a new poll for this week, that I will not tell you about in this post. You will have to look at it, or hit refresh to see it. Me saying it would ruin the surprise. (snickers)

I'm going to kill the "most offensive" poll. It was still getting an occasional vote, but had slowed down a lot. I have a feeling it is the prime example of a good one week poll. Thanks to everyone who participated. The results of that poll are.

1. The FCC 45%
2. Howard Stern 27%
3. Mickey Rooney's Butt 18%
4. Janet Jackson's Boob 9%

The 2008 Election is of course running indefinately, because I just love it to a point of it being unhealthy. Besides, it has pictures and something about Dave Chappelle as RICK JAMES BITCH!!! gets me more hits, and people just clicking past vote on that one, a lot. Pictures get you hits. Here are current results.

1. Homer Simpson with The Bee 36%
2. Dave Chappelle as RICK JAMES BITCH!!! 32%
3. Michael Moore with extra cheese 21%
4. Bill O'Reilly with a falafel 11%

We Must Evolve To Survive

As always, I try to change up things around here so that I'm not constantly spewing forth the same rhetoric. I try new stuff, if it works, great, if it doesn't, it gets shoved in the trash and I move on to the next toy. Today, I am going to kill off something that wasn't working. Music Mondays.

The secondary site was getting about 5 hits a week. That means nobody was all that interested. So, it gets squashed and mondays become another random day until I come up with something else that might be entertaining.

On the note of changes, I've made a few to the blog. I moved some stuff around, and I added a Stalkermap (guestmap). Its like a guestbook, but more entertaining, since you get to shove a pixelated tack into a map wherever you're at, and put your name (real or screen name), website, and a message on it. Its over on the right of the page, underneath the poll. Just make sure you click the hide welcome message, and not the ad. Bravenet is a tricky group of bastids.

Thanks to a Legend

I went over to my brother's today, to watch some football, and just hang out. Just a typical leisurely sunday of hanging out and doing guy stuff. That's when I heard the news that Johnny Carson had passed away.

I grew up on The Tonight Show. I remember I would watch the 10 o'clock news, and then watch the first part of the Tonight Show. I would have to force myself to stay awake, but I usually managed to do it every night. I loved listening to his monologue, and whatever skit he had afterwords.

He would have something regular some days of the week. Headlines. The predictions where he wore the hat and said what the answer to the question in the envelope was before he opened it. He was hilarious. His humor was tuned to a mainstream subject, but it was very odd and unique in its own respect.

I never totally realized that his humor, and my almost religious watching of his show, had such a huge influence on me. He was constantly making fun of (and impersonating) Reagan, and whatever else in the news. He just had this twisted smirk on his face, because he knew the next line and was waiting for just the right moment to deliver it.

Johnny, your comedy helped shape who I am today. You have inspired not only my interest in all things funny, but also my interest in what is going on in the world around me. It amazes me how much I truly owe to you. You've touched the lives of many people. I know this very well, I'm one of them. Thank you.

Who Said That?

• Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. - Dwight D. Eisenhower
• Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into but hard to get out of. - Anonymous
• Good taste is better than bad taste, but bad taste is better than no taste. - Arnold Bennett
• Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps. - David Lloyd George
• I consider chaos a gift. - Septima Clark
• Once reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am having a good time. - Nancy Astor
• Sour, sweet, bitter, punent, all must be tasted. - Chinese Proverb
• It is not length of life, but depth of life. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• The threat of a neglected cold is for doctors what the threat of purgatory is for priests - a gold mine. - Sebastian Chamfort
• The religions we call false were once true. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• I don't know if I am more afraid of Bush's foreign policy or domestic policy, so I'll take my chances in the U.S. - Art Spiegelman

Weekend Update with Mr. Toolbox

Gay Sex Weapon - In the early nineties, the pentagon toyed with the idea of a biological weapon that turned the enemy gay. This would have backfired on us severely. We would have faced the closest, most tightly knit, group of soldiers ever. They wouldn't have just been brothers, they would have been lovers. We would have stood no chance. Glad they scrapped those plans.

Spongebob is Gay? - Conservatives are now attacking Spongebob claiming he is a homosexual. This is not the first group of attacks on children's television by conservatives thinking a children's character is gay. Tinky Winky of the Teletubbies and Bert and Ernie are previous victims of slander for supposedly supporting homosexual lifestyles. I wonder if there was ever an attack on superman for wearing tights and his underwear on the outside?

Self Discrimination - A student in Washington was sent home from school because he would offend himself. He is openly gay, and on make your own T-shirt day, he wore a shirt with rainbows on it and had a phrase on it that said "Too Gay to Function" on it. The school took action, and sent him home before he offended himself. Luckily the kids with shirts on that referred to their genitals and gang affiliations were allowed to stay in school.

Covenant Marriage - Regular marriage not good enough for ya? The south came up with a new type!!! Covenant marriage. You get married, but you can't divorce unless there are reasons like "Cruel and Barbarous Treatment." I wonder if they came up with this to save the "sanctity of marriage" from those loving homosexual couples who want to marry, or because divorce rates in the bible belt are 50% higher than the rest of the country?

Yer Mom's Cool - Some high school kids mom in Colorado helped him throw some parties. She supplied the alcohol, marijuana, and methamphetamines to the kids friends. Oh, she also had sex with his friends too. Makes me think of the insults at school... "I fucked your mom!" "Yeah, so did Billy!" She only did it because she wasn't popular at school, and she finally felt cool. Awwwwwwwwwwww. Sooooooooo saaaaaaaaaad. Its good to teach impressionable teenagers to be drug addict, alcoholic, statutory rapists huh? That's what your doing, stupid wench. Have fun with your new cell mate.

Giant Baby - A woman in Venezuela gave birth to a giant baby. The baby weighed in at 16.7 pounds. Normal babies in that area weigh 7.7 pounds. I figure the kid is going to grow up to be about 14 feet tall, and weigh around 1500 pounds. He will eat trees and live cattle. He will sharpen his teeth with rocks and be impervious to bullets. Hopefully, the US military will be able to extract some of his blood, and clone him, to create a super army of him, to combat the army of Yao Mings that the Chinese are creating right now. Its the new cold war.

What Do You Want On Your Pizza? - A pizzaria in Florence lost a lawsuit when a customer sued when they found a tooth in the crust of the pizza. The pizzaria has yet to comment on how a tooth could have ended up in the crust. If a tooth is in the crust, I would really hate to know what is in the sausage.

Worst Breakfast You can Eat - This thing claims the worst breakfast you can eat is two egg McMuffins and two orders of hash browns. I'm in denial on this. I think I could come up with something much worse. How about... Hash browns, 4 scrambled eggs, 3 buttermilk bisquits with sausage gravy, short stack of pancakes, some bacon, toast with butter and jelly, a big ass glass of chocolate milk (whole), and a cup of coffee (cream and sugar)? -OR- some cold white castles and/or pizza that have been sitting on the kitchen table overnight growing bacteria for 12 hours?

Offensive Again - Since the FCC is full of a bunch of shitheads, everyone is afraid to air anything. Fox has blurred a rerun, that wasn't blurred when it was first run. What is it that they blurred? Naked cartoon ass!!! Yes, a rerun episode of the family guy showing bare cartoon ass was blurred for fear of FCC fines. Thanks for stepping down from the FCC son of Powell. Daddy isn't around to protect you anymore so you turned tail and ran.

Backpack O Crack - When in the mall, with your backpack filled with yummy crack, and the possibility of being caught, you dump your backpack. A normal person would count their losses and move on. Not a crackhead. They go to the lost and found later on, to get their backpack. Thats when they get busted for a bunch of crack, crackpipes, stuff to cook crack... Have fun on lockdown.

Children's Sedative - Mothers, ever have trouble keeping your four year old calm? Just not know how or what to do with them? Its simple really, do what this mother did. Just give your child some crack. Yes, crack. Thats what she told the police as to why she gave it to him. It was to calm him down. She's under arrest and he is in state custody.

Cat Woman - In, of all places, Roswell, New Mexico, a 71 year old woman was pulled over in a run down cargo van. She was transporting herself, and her 63 cats from Michigan to Arizona. There really are crazy old cat people in the world. Its not an urban legend. She's under arrest for animal cruelty, which could have prison time. I wonder if she's gonna turn into the crazy bird or rat lady in prison?

Canadian Childrens Hockey - I always thought that most of the crazy things that happened worldwide involving sports were soccer (football) or baseball, but apparently in Canada its Hockey. It covers the whole range of things. Father's kicking the shit out of coaches for benching their kids. Mom's flashing their boobs at games. It warms my heart to know that the Canadians are just as fucked up as us. I salute you Canada.

Pat on the Back - A bunch of students at a community college in Washington were so thrilled to see a recruiter on their campus for the war in Iraq, that their President told them they love, that they all decided to parade around the recruiters booth. The students excitement was too much, and the popular recruiter was escorted out by campus security.

2005 Conservative Women Calandar - Yes, a Calandar with the women of conservatism adorning its pages. Let me list some of the names: Ann Colter, Dr. Laura, Michelle Malkin, Condoleezza Rice, Shemane Nugent... Yes, I'm not about to go rush out and buy a copy.

Pit Fight: Cobra Commander vs. Megatron - The duel of all 80's cartoon evil bad guy leader duels. Not a cartoon (wrong day), but a great idea none-the-less.

Das Toons

Vote Cobra Commander - I almost think I need to add another candidate to the 2008 election...

Second Term - Jib Jab is at it again... They've gone downhill a little bit, as you begin to see the same themes over and over again. It's worth a watch though.

Bush Clock - I wish I could have one of these on my desktop. Its peachy.

Freaky Franks - Mmmmm.... Hot Dogs..... Nummmy.....

Napolean Dynamite Soundboard - Since the release of the DVD, the toys of ND are limitless. Now, at the click of a mouse, you can hear such things as... "I caught you a delicious bass."

Mentos? - I wish Mentos commercials were like this.

Cheetahs are fast? Heh! - This video proves that cheetahs ain't shiznit. Slow. It's not doctored at all... I swear.

Crash - Ever see a race, where a car flips, several times, and slides on its roof? This is what it looks like, INSIDE!!!!!

The Boondocks

Big Engine, Little Winky

I was driving home last night from class, and got further proof behind the fast cars/small penis saying. I drive a 4 cylander, japanese, compact sedan. I don't have a big ugly wing/spoiler on it. The muffler is stock, its not one of those coffee can mufflers that make the car sound like its farting whenever you take off. It doesn't have decals, those ugly ass lights on the windshield wipers, or any other sort of modifications. It even has the rims that came with the car (so what if they are 17s.) I have never seen "The Fast and the Furious" and have no desire to. I bought the car because I like the styling, gas mileage, and its fun to drive (tight suspension, good engine, etc.)

On that note, I do drive my car. I'm not speed racer by any means, but I give it gas, I take turns faster than the average person. I don't speed excessively. People are more likely the type to want to pass me up. I like to accelerate though. Now that you have the basics, on to the story...

I'm driving home, and am at a stoplight, at the very front. Next to me, is a C5 Corvette. I take off, as normal, in my four cylander, stock, compact, japanese sedan. I accelerated faster than the corvette. I know very well, a 350-400 hp corvette is going to be able to beat my 160hp AUTOMATIC transmission compact sedan in a race any day of the week. Mr. Vette thinks I am treading on his manhood, and speeds up and takes the lead!!!

Ok, big deal. I really don't care. I'm laughing that the guy needed to gun his vette and pass me up a little. I didn't even gun my car, I took off normal for me. So, I'm cruising at about 7 over the speed limit, with this vette in the right lane about half a car length ahead of me, doing the same speed. A big ass pick-up is behind me, closing in. I want to move over, but can't since the vette slowed down and is pretty much next to me, so... I try to pass him.

Bad idea. I am somehow infringing upon his manhood, by thinking my car could possibly be capable of driving in front of his 5.7 liters of POWER!!! So of course, the man with a big engine and small winky accelerates. Its a battle I can't win. I need to pass this ass next to me, so the monster truck can drive 30 over the speed limit, but the ass won't let me. So, I had to slow down, and pull behind the vette, to let the guy pass me. When I pulled behind the vette... The guy accelerated and pulled out in front of the truck!!!

It was a Ford F-250. Any Chevy man won't let a Ford in front of him... I swear this guy has to have one of the smallest members ever.

Commie Liberals - Tormenting Republicans

Nothing is more fun than aggravating a die hard conservative. Especially one who loves to use terms like capitalism and communism. Of course with a little research, its easy to point out that our country couldn't be founded on capitalism, since the ideology of capitalism wasn't imagined yet. The term was first used in 1854. Plus, I'm sure that there was feudal bartering, like exchanging a bunch of beads for Manhattan, and things like that going on. Then, there is also the usage of the term communism.

Has anyone ever taken the time, to do a little research into what a Communist society, and its basis, really means? I'm not talking about what the old Soviet Union, Eastern Europe, or China. I'm talking the textbook, ideal society. What it would be, if it were carried out exactly as written. Most of those followed offshoots of communism (Stalinism, Leninism) that called for violent uprisings.

Communism is actually part of a progression of economic development, drawn up by Marx. It progresses in order from slavery, feudalism, capitalism, then the final stage is communism. Communism exists in an era without a state. There is no governing body. (Hence there has never been a communist state, since the statement itself is an oxymoron).

There are no classes. There is no private ownership, since all citizens openly share all belongings and wealth. All people are equal. That is the belief structure of dictionary communism. Note that community, communal, come from the word. People share everything, work for a common good, and care for each other.

In Christian religions, we are taught that we are to shun material possessions, and to treat others as our equals. To love god, and love our neighbors. These teachings go in line with the beliefs of text book communism. So, in essense, Jesus believed in Communism.

Remember all that, next time a conservative calls you a communist or commie for having liberal beliefs. It will oftentimes bring out a long list of obsenities from thier mouths. Beware when using this technique around veterans, they won't see the logic in textbook, and will go back to the days of vietnam, when they were risking their lives. Just respect them.

Of course I like having material possessions. I'm a selfish bastard. Guess I'm not a good commie. I'm good at being a tree hugging hippy though, as long as I have an internet connection and a computer. I'm not the 60's variety, I'm a Nu-Hippy. We dig capitalism, as it slowly makes a transformation towards socialism by our great-great-grandchildren's lives.

Election Day Polls

I have made a decision... tuesday is new poll day. My 2008 presidential race is a personal fave, and is going to stay up indefinately, but a new poll will be added each week to the mix. I'll always have a total of 2-3 running at once. If the previous weeks was popular, it will make it to week three. If it sucked... it will get killed and the results will get announced the following Tuesday.

My polls work like real elections. People can vote more than once, although it is not encouraged. If someone demands a recount, I will fix the ballot box so the candidate of my choice wins. I like to give the proper example of how a democracy really works, so that everyone understands the true meaning of it.

Back to the polls. This weeks second poll is "What do you find more offensive" and the list is "Janets Boob," "Mickey Rooney's ass," "the FCC," or "Howard Stern." If you want to vote on that one, and the presidential election of 2008 is up, or vice versa, hit the refresh button on your browser until the other poll shows up. Its completely random as to which is going to be there.

Current Election Results...

1. 44% Homer Simpson with the Bee
2. 28% Dave Chappelle as RICK JAMES BITCH!!!
3. 22% Michael Moore with extra cheese
4. 6% Bill O'Reilly with a falafel

A Song For dubs

The song of the week is dedicated to our buddy dubs in the oval office, for his inauguration this week. I posted the lyrics to it on here a while back, at least what I had figured out. Now, we have the lyrics, and the song playing on my supplemental blog. The song is "Conservative Christian, Right Wing Republican, Straight White, American Males" by Todd Snider.

Any of you that have read some of my earlier posts, know that I am a huge fan of his. You could say I'm on his his jock like Michael Jackson at a... nevermind. For those who don't know, which is 99% of the world, Todd Snider is a folk/rock/alternative country singer/songwriter extraordinaire. He'll make you laugh. He'll make you cry. A version of Tom Petty with a little more twang and a little more social commentary.

This song is one of his more recent ones, and makes referance to a lot of recent news. Its funny, but it is probably his most country song ever recorded, so if you run from country, and any hint of it in music frightens you, it might not be your thing. It also expresses a liberal point of view, but I don't think it necessarily bashes conservatives. It does poke fun at stereotypes of conservatives and liberals. To quote Mr. Snider himself "I'm so liberal, I even like conservatives."

Have a listen.

Just an FYI

To explain this post. Also my present attitude.

I think I'm IMSing.

Sims 2 - Good Man Turns Killer

I was playing a game of the Sims 2, and I was trying to avoid playing like my previous game. Unfortuneately, I was unable to follow the way of the rest of the law abiding citizens. My character fell in love with Titania, some Elvish women with pointy ears who seemed to scratch her armpits far too often for my real tastes.

This may have bothered me personally, but my sims character didn't seem to care. Him being a science geek, didn't want to spend all his time seeking a wife. So, I quickly hooked up with her, did the deed (woo-hoo'd) and ended up getting hitched. Well, she moved in, and thats when I found out the unthinkable. She was married to me, and in love with another man!!!

I then went into action, and created, the death room. A second bathroom on my love nest, to which I would wait for the unsuspecting enemy too use, then remove the door and toilet. After a day or two, they would get dirty, soil themselves, and die.

So, I took my wife, had her call her other love interest, and stop in. I was very cordial, and went outside and studied the stars on my telescope. I didn't want my sim getting scarred by seeing that Oberon bastard put moves on my wife. Soon, nature called, and he went to the bathroom... pause game, remove door and toilet... just another victim. Within a day the grim reaper had come, and taken Oberon away.

With my competition removed, I then moved Oberons remains to the far corner of my lot, and put a wall around them, so no one would ever be able to mourn him. I was then able to live a life without worry of my lovely wife cheating. We had two sim children, and grew old together, surviving several house fires. Was a glorious existance.

(had to post some comic relief after my political tirade previous)

Don't Make Sense and Rants (Added on To)

Pardon me for a second, this is going to get serious and political, with my own twist. Its on some things I've noticed recently, that I don't quite understand. This is all based off of various thoughts and opinions of people I have read on various political blogs.

1. Iraq not having WMD's or the capability to produce them doesn't matter, because the war isn't about that anymore. - I don't understand that statement. That is why the war was started. We invaded them on that basis. That was the reason. We now changed our minds? If Iraq doesn't become a free country, and turns into a Vietnam, will we come up with a new excuse? We had some old munitions we needed to get rid of?
2. Bush would have still invaded Iraq with the information he has today. - If that is the case, Mr. President, what would you have given as your reason for invading Iraq then, since they had no capability to harm us, and no ties to terrorism, according to our own reports? (there are links to the reports in the article, and it is possible to cherry pick a line here and there and make it look like Iraq was the WMD capital of the world. If you take the time to read it, they were no threat to the US as was claimed when we invaded)
3. If Clinton can get impeached for lying about getting a BJ in the oval office, what does a president get for leading us to war under false pre-tense?
4. Bush was only using the Intelligence gathered under the Clinton administration. - Of course. If it works... Its the genius of a man who explains sovereignity using sovereign 85 times. If it doesn't... blame Clinton.
5. Fact, quote, and arguement cherry pickers piss me the fuck off too. The people who take an argument, and somehow manage to pull it apart, and turn it into something completely different than the point you were making. Or, the ones who use two lines in a report on something that support their belief, when the rest doesn't, and base their entire opinion on that. That one works for all people: conservative, liberal, moderate, anarchist, communist, libertarian...
6. We're just saving everyone cuz liberals are pussies. - So, what we are saying is, we are saving the country from war, by creating a war, against someone who was no threat to us?
7. I'm also sick of people who stereotype a whole group of people as being one thing. Not all liberals are pussy, commie, tree hugging, hippy, idealistic, god-hating, baby-killing, college professors. Not all conservatives are war mongering, bible toting, money grubbing, redneck, white, business owners. Not to mention the ten thousand other stereotypes I see some people listing on their blogs to other religious and ethnic groups. All the fucking stereotyping and turning people against this group and that group makes me think its going back to the civil war era US or Nazi Germany. Just stop that shit. [that's the tree hugging hippy liberal part of me speaking ;-) ]
8. (insert name) supported Iraq invasion. So did (insert name). - Yeah? I don't fucking care. Know why? The blame always falls on the boss when shit goes wrong. Who's the boss? Come on, tell me, who is the FUCKING boss? George W. Bush. Yeah, Mr. President. He issued the order. dubs has kept Rummy as is Sec of Def even though he's been fucking that up from the get go. The elections are being boycotted by a large portion of the people living in Iraq. The white house is downplaying the elections now.
9. Bush does not need to change anything with Iraq, since the voters ratified that they like what is going on. - Ok, this is bullshit. dubs thinks that since he won an election, he doesn't have to do jack shit to improve the situation in Iraq. He doesn' have to try to save the lives of our soldiers in Iraq because he won the election. He doesn't give a flying fuck about the lives of our soldiers. 51% voted for him, so he has to be right. He doesn't have to give a fuck anymore.

If anyone has an opinion based objection to my opinions, I don't care. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. If you think some of my info is wrong, don't type up telling me i'm wrong. I won't believe you. If you can find me a reputable source, I'll correct my info. A reputable source is a valid news source (fox news, cnn, bbc, msnbc) a magazine or periodical (time, a newspaper), encyclopedia, etc. I won't accept something from a .org (those are biased and you can't use them as a source on a college paper, so they are not considered to be factual). It has to be a reliable source. So your buddy's blog doesn't count. If I'm not sure, It doesn't count. My blog isn't a political blog. I write comedy for the most part. Once in a great while, I spew forth my liberal ramblings. I should be done for a while now.

News For the Delusional

Feminism at its Finest - A bar in Pennsylvania had advertised a burger unlike no other burger. This burger had a patty that weighed in at 6 pounds. This burger then had 5 pounds of fixin's added on to that 6 pounds of yummy ground cow flesh. If someone could eat that burger in 3 hours, they would be made into a legend, have their food for free, and get like, a t-shirt or something. Some fat dude of 400+ pounds tried and failed several times. So, a 100 pound 19 year old girl showed up and did it in 2 hours and 54 minutes. I think I'm in love.

Louder Than Love - A Swedish court has determined that really loud sex is not grounds for eviction, as long as the sex is done during normal waking hours. Get this in an american court, and it would be much different. Soon, it would get broken down to position, if it was a same sex couple, if there were just two, or if there were more people involved, if a camera crew was involved... The whole "sanctity of sex" issue. Then, there would be a proposed ammendment, preaching American's inalienable right to freaky sex...

Late Night Jogging - Arkansas police "finally" caught a man who has been jogging nude down a deserted road for months late at night. This one baffles me. The man has been, knowingly, jogging down this same road, for months, butt naked, and they haven't been able to catch him. I think he would stand out like a... naked man in the middle of the night on a deserted road? They don't know why he did it... I think he did it because... He liked to jog butt ass naked. Seems to be his motif.

No Paris at School - Everyones favorite waif/heiress/second rate porn star is in the news again. The simple life wasn't allowed to tape at a middle school, where they wanted her and Miss Richie to be substitute teachers. I can understand, although odds are the students would have the most accurate understanding of sex education in the country, and a low teen pregnancy rate after watching Paris's disgusting self in that tape.

Wardrobe Malfunction - Fox will not air a commercial during the superbowl that would have shown Mickey Rooneys bare ass. Mickey claims there is nothing sexual about it. I have no objection to Mickey's statement of nothing sexual about his nude ass. I object to that being disgusting. If people have an issue with seeing a young, attracitve woman's breast on TV, why would they not have an issue with seeing an old mans wrinkly ass on TV? Because it's supposed to be funny? So if the Golden Girls had an episode where the whole cast mooned the camera that would be... OK?

The Moss Grows On the North Side - Randy Moss lives in the land of make believe. He plays a game, and makes more money in a year than most of us will make in our lives. He can run around, and act like a child, and it doesn't matter. He can get fined $10,000 and it won't phase him at all. He'll continue to play football, because he is that good. Announcers and the media need to quit publicizing his little tirades like they do, because it gives him more shoe contracts, and pictures on video games, and more outside money. We have a purple monster. Just shut up and it might go away, or grow up. Besides, he looks like that little guy on the sprite commercials with his cartoonish fro. Its like a cross between a 1970's Hanna Barbara cartoon and Pokemon.

If I Were King of the Forest - Don King is suing ESPN for 2.5 billion for slander, because ESPN aired a story which said he was "a snake oil salesman, a shameless huckster and worse," and that he had even killed people. I just think the man looks funny and has the worst hairstyle to ever walk the face of the earth. Sue me Don. I'm worth negative money. I'll come out ahead you rich bastard.

Video and Cartoons

DreamMail - StrongBad describes his dream e-mail.

Wiccan Book/Amplified Bible - Germaine and Foamy go shopping at a book store for a book on Wicca. Foamy finds an Amplified Bible...

Napoleon Dynamite Dance Loop - The name says it all.....

Tall or Not - Not really a cartoon. A little flash thing that you put your height into, that you can see how you compare in height next to famous people. If anyone wants to know how you stand in stature next to the infamous Mr. Toolbox, I am a massive 5'11", or Anna Nicole Smith.

Car-Tuh-Pult - This thing is sooooo cool. Bored farmers. A car. Said car flung a LONG distance via a trebuljet. I want one.

Dog that Fetches - yeah, big deal, right? Oh no. This dog fetches better than most. This dog fetches.... BEER!!!!!

Dirty Old Man - Dick Cheney checking out Edward's daughter's butt after the debate. I knew I liked Dick Cheney for a reason.

SpongeBong HempPants - Parady of Spongebob Squarepants... Interesting to say the least. (Thanks Garlic Butter)

2008 Presidential Race Update

Rush dropped out due to lack of support. Had yet to receive a vote. Don't fear conservatives, Bill O'Reilly has jumped in, with a falafel (its a type of sammich) as his running mate. Hopefully it puts up a better fight. Current voting has Homer with 50%, Dave Chappelle with 33%, and Michael Moore with 17%. O'Reilly has to make up some ground, but he does have his falafel.

IMS

What is IMS you ask? Irritable Male Syndrome. Yes, we have our own little hormonal thing too. I've been preaching it for years, and no one ever seemed to want to believe me. They always passed it off as one of my delusional ramblings of humor. Now, I have documented evidence.

Yes, we men can now blame all our oddities on IMS. We get mad about something... we're IMSing. Of course, women are not allowed to blame any of our actions on IMS. Only men can use this as an excuse, since only men can suffer from irritable male syndrome.

We males can prevent IMS by keeping our levels of testosterone high. The article suggests this by eating meat and avoiding licorice. So, I figure the best way for us to keep our testosterone levels high is by having a day and a half, minimum, doing manly things.

I figure a day on the weekend (Sunday during football season would be choice) to watch football, drink beer, and eat large pieces of charred animal flesh with other males. Their comradery will help to raise our testosterone levels to avoid the dreaded IMS. The other half a day would be a weeknight of sorts. We would require more meat, and a few drinks then too. Comradery of friends would be necessary also. Just a few easy steps to avoid the dreaded IMS.

Yeah, that's it. Fight IMS!!!

(news source)

The Search is Over

I am going to take a second to report real news. Don't fall down in shock or disgust everyone. Remember the WMDs? Yes, the Weapons of Mass Destruction. There were none. We stopped searching today. Read the article. Wanna read it? Here's several links.

I wonder what dubs has to say. Maybe he could put together one of those cute skits, and show those to the leaders of foreign countries about why our intelligence was wrong on the WMDs, and all our diplomatic problems will be OK.

( netscape/cnn link) - for those who trust that news source
(Fox news link) - for those who trust that news source
(bbc news link) - for those who don't trust American news

Twist of Sorts

I found an article, that I couldn't get a link to (was part of the flash news that Netscape loves to dangle in your face, like candy.... mmmm... candy). So, I did a search for what it was on... freak dancing. I found an article on it by none other than an expert on such things, Bill O'Reilly.

Me being such a huge fan of his (hides from lightning) had to do some more searching for Mr. O'Reilly. I found out he wrote a book, called "Those Who Trespass." The reviews on it, were quite hysterical. I can't insult peoples spelling and grammar, since I'm not good at either. Its funny when other people do it though, especially when its someone I don't like. Here's some samples.

• Wow. This was a real-load-in-the-pants. I'm surprised that anyone would actually publish this. I guess that a perk when you're on TV. The writing was at about a 12th grade level, which is surprising, considering that O'Reilly speaks like a nine year old child. I think this book would make good reading for inmates in Abu Ghraib
• Bill O'Reilly is such a big douche. this crappy book seemed so obviously based on his own fantasies. what a loser. why didn't he write about a loofah or a falafel.
• if you like jackie collins, danielle steel, or any other best-selling romance novels with fabio on the cover, then this is your style of writing. it is simplistic, high-school level fiction. if bill o'reilly wasn't the name that he is, this book would never have found a publisher. it's like that pop album oscar de la hoya made. the dialogue is terrible, the transitions are archaic, and his talent for painting the settings wouldn't have achieved a d grade in my freshman writing seminar. if you want good fiction, look elsewhere.
• Poorly written but explicit and graphic scenes of drug use, sex with minors, drug addicted teenage prostitutes, and other lurid content that seems to be thrown in for those who enjoy child porn. I wonder who his target audience is??? ...... I wish someone who could write as though they might have had sex at least once wrote this book. While O'Reilly seems to try and paint lurid pictures it seems rather clear that he hasn't even seen a porn to draw from as an experience. Nevertheless, this story includes scenes of group sex with drug addicted minors and prostitutes. Bill, whats with the child porn? Who is your target audience? The viewers of your show??? I wondered what redeeming value this has in our culture. Good thing Bill got a day job to fall back on.
• It's so funny that Bill O'Reilly can publish this garbage and then go criticizing Ludacris for his explicit rap lyrics.

Thanks for the laugh Billy.

Key Word Search

Its fun having a few stats kept track of on your blogs, like how people have found you. The words that they use to search you out is especially entertaining. You wanna raise the level of hits to your website quickly? Brittany Spears. You just doubled your hits. Add a Brittany Spears and Shar Jackson and suddenly you have more hits than Cheech and Chong.

I did a little collection between my various blogs, journals, and so forth that I've had and dug up all the searches people have used and somehow ended up finding me. They vary from the common, the scientific and intellectual, the pervish, to the downright nasty and disgusting. Of course, commentary will follow. I am even going to provide links for some.

• (9) Brittany Spears - Yes, the little trolip topped the list of hits to everything I had. Believe it or not, having never met her, I don't have a secret stash of pornagraphy involving her. I'm sure some other recluse does though.
• (5) RCV 22:20 by Puscifer Lyrics - Told everyone yesterday this was a popular song.
• (4) Gall Bladder - I have yet to find a web page that does anything justice on this one, and I'm not about to write one just yet. Its an organ. You can live without it. I'm alive with mine removed.
• (3) Shar Jackson - Star of such great movies as "Good Burger." Sad to say, Brittany stealing her loser boyfriend was probably her best career move ever.
• (2) Underwear goes on the inside - I used to have two links to this. One web page killed it, the other cut the video from 3 minutes down to 30 seconds. Its pointless now. Was funny, but had a really deep social commentary. If I ever come across a working link to the full thing, I'll post it again.
• (2) Raven Simone - Amazing, you make a comment one day on your blog that while flipping stations you see the little girl from the Cosby show is now all grown up, and at 19 years old is... well built, and suddenly your blog gets a few hits that are seeking indecent pictures.
• (2) Cemetary Gates by Pantera lyrics - Simple enough. Just one of the greatest metal songs ever written, lyrically and musically.
• Curvy African Latino - Uh huh... this one leaves me speechless.
• Hawaiian Porn - There is something sexy about a coconut bra.
• Lessons on writing a pre-nuptual agreement - wow, this one sound intelligent, well thought out... how'd they get to me?
• Jeopardy Theme Song - OK, can you say... LOSER!!!!!! Who the hell wants to listen to that damn song? Thats one of those, oh fuck, its stuck in my head AGAIN songs. Here's an idea, turn on the radio, and listen to some Brittany Spears or Justin Timberlake, its all the originality your brain can handle.
• Haircuts rectangular face shape - (see comment below)
• fine short hair styles round faces glasses - I shaved my head with a gillette mach 3 razor for 5 consecutive years, and am now going to grow my hair long. Would you want me as your hair stylist?
• I'm too sexy free Karaoke Downloads - Someone after my own heart. I love you, and if you're a woman and sexy, will you marry me? Although I have yet to sing that song... but I will one day.
• Blonde Spikey Mullet - Noyce. I was thinking about going with a purple mullet myself, but decided against it.
• Those Damn Blue Collar Tweekers - Excellent choice. Very excellent. Brings a tear to me eye.
• Phillipino Health Beliefs - I remember my post on this one, and why a search would bring someone to me. They were looking for something real, and got a precurser to my version of the news.
• Girls Showing Boobs - Yet, another search for pornography. If you want to find porn, hit the next blog button up top. If you hit it enough times, you will come across someone doing some amatuer porn. Its pretty easy to find sites too. Bookmark them. Write them down. Quit searching. Don't you people know anything?
• Granny Moses prophesy - I never knew Granny Moses from the Beverly Hillbillies told prophesies. Now I know. And knowing is half the battle. G.I. JOE!!!!!!
• Aysh Sex - Even better. Bad days of Napster style mispelled pornography. Just the thing to find something. Or, is this some sort of weird sex thing I'm not informed about, that involves something really kinky, like a picture of the Ayatolla and Shampoo?
• Side Effect of Finger Fuck - Hmmm... I think its pregnancy. Yes. Gotta be pregnancy. No finger fuck. You should have that aysh sex instead. Can't get pregnant from that.
• Bhuddism and Revenge - Yes, bhuddists are known for it. The people that the devout are known to carry brooms to sweep at their feet so they don't kill insects as they walk are very quick to run out and get revenge on others...
• Kiddy porn forced - uhhhhh........
• Fraggle Rock Theme - Dance your cares away. Worries for another day. Let the music play. Down at fraggle rock...
• Tekerson Tech - From the short lived cartoon TV show "Undergrads." Show was hilarious, ran one season on eMTyV. I thought the show was hilarious, although it would have been better if it didn't have the horrid Good Charlotte laden soundtrack. Thousands of Star Wars referances in it, which is perfect for a Geek like myself. I found out about it years after it was cancelled, from a freind. Just follows a bunch of College aged guys around who went to high school together around, who go to nearby schools. Two same university, one junior college, and one said Tekerson Tech.
• Fit Physique - Heh. I'm in shape. I'm round.
• Consequences of a Threesome with a Co-worker - Short term, my guess, would be a big grin. Long term....

The Anti-Moral

The song of this week, REV 22:20 by Puscifer, was inspired by two things: next weeks presidential inauguration and my weekend. This song is in any and all essenses, the anti-moral. It makes Closer by Nine Inch Nails seem tame. It isn't anti-christian, but does have religious referances that could offend some, so just consider yourself warned.

The vocals and lyrics were done by none other than the great Maynard James Keehan from Tool and A Perfect Circle, only he is not with them during this performance. This is just a little one song side project he did for the soundtrack to the movie Underworld. I bought the CD the day it came out, and got MANY people addicted to the song.

The tie in to my weekend is I was dragged (yes, dragged, I don't like going to these places) to a "gentlemens club" this weekend. As usual, the musical choices are horrid, and after being forced to listen to Motley Crue "Girls, Girls, Girls" I realized that a new song needed to take hold, and this would be a nice addiction to the DJ mix.

So, if you like raunchy, dirty, sex songs, have a listen. If you don't, then don't.
(The big happy and scary listening link)

Don't Quote Me On That

• There are times when silence has the loudest voice. - Leroy Brownlow
• Along with success comes in reputation for wisdom. - Euripides
• Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind. - John F. Kennedy
• The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. - Benjamin Franklin
• A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time. - George Iles
• We have need of history in its entirety, not to fall back into it, but to see if we can escape from it. - Jose Ortega y Gasset
• Thirty years of non-stop bitching. They're relentless. They're worse than the Viet Cong. - My friends Dad on Women

No Gnus is Good News Said Gary Gnu

Lake Renamed - A lake near Seattle, WA was originally named Bevis lake. Well, someone in the census bureau got bored and put it in the records differently. They decided to name it... Butt-Head Lake. So now, we have it showing up as Bevis and Butt-Head Lake. Yes. Near Seattle. If time would only go BACK to the early to mid 1990's... (sighs as he misses his flannel)

Rigorous Testing - A consumers group has gone through rigorous testing measures and has put out a list of the best performing, strongest, longest lasting... condoms. This is a great idea. Now, I read how they tested them, but I see the tests as being... incomplete. They need to further the testing a bit. I know how too. Just give me a few gross of condoms, and some test subjects to use them on...

Moral Hooker - So, some guy gets a hooker. The guy gets busted. The hooker turns him in. Not for being a John. Nope. The sicko gets busted for child pornography. What did he think, if he left pics of little kids laying around that someone who is a hooker isn't going to take offense and call the cops? Even hookers have morals you sick bastard. Only you and people like Jacko think of little kids that way. 99% of the population think your sick.

Who did WHAT?!?! - Ok, this story took me a while to comprehend. Its worse than daytime soap operas, meets sci-fi fantasy. I shall explain it in stoner/surfer type talk. Dude thinks his girl is cheating. So, he like, forces her to marry him, then he totally kills the dude shes doing, and his sister. Only thing is, his like, kids totally see it and freaks em out. So like, dude kills them too. So, dude gets, like, the death penalty or something for killing them, but not his kids, cuz like Islamic law says you just gotta pay money to kill your kids. His wife gets the chair or something too for sleeping with the one dude too. So, like, everyone is dead now. Bummer huh?

Save the Dolphins - In tsunami news, a dive team spent several days in a lagoon to find and save one, but not two of the rare dolphins that were swept inland during the devestating tidal wave. I'm all for saving animals, being an animal lover myself, but WTF!!! Who the hell decided that two animals were a higher priority than all the people that could have been helped out during that time?!?!?! Idiots, get the damn priorities straight. Human life first, then the critters.

Overused Words - A list of words that should be banned. Yet another crock of BS. It isn't the words that should be banned, its the people using them. Don't ban the word flip-flop, ban the idiot using it to discribe something that isn't a flip flop. Don't ban the slang "izzle," ban the person trying to sound cool using the slang improperly, too much, or just innappropriately. Thank you, and I approve this message. Go ahead, ban my ass.

Parents Serve Detention - Some kids parents had car trouble, and made them late all week. They felt they were at fault, but the kid got detention anyway. The parents decided they should have detention too. So, they served the detention time with their kid. Great... now the kid got even BIGGER punishment for being late. Detention and mom and dad hanging out with them in detention. Just what they wanted I'm sure. I'm sure that kid is gonna be even more popular at school now.

Too Gross - Now this is the definition of a frivolous lawsuit. Someone is sueing the show fear factor, because they were grossed out when they ate rat in a blender on it. Worms and insects were bad, but rats went "too far." Ummm... We all know that show has a gross out factor to it. If you can't handle it, don't watch. Its that simple. Not to mention, I'm sure that they did about eighty-seven previews that rats were on the menu that day, and your dumb ass sat there watching.

mycathatesyou.com - somehow I got this link. I don't quite remember how. I don't know why. I just like the name.

March 20th - I have a new favorite holiday.

I Am A Quitter

Today is my one year anniversary of being a quitter. I quit smoking one year ago today, and haven't even had as much as a drag of a cigarette since. Yes, I'm proud of my little miraculous accomplishment. 364 days ago I didn't think I would have been this good. I had no clue the cravings would disappear. I never thought food would taste this good either. I never thought breathing was this much better. Lots of differences.

OK. I'm done bragging now. I'll do news later.

Cartoons For the Deprived Childrens

Americana - Someone did a flash animation to the tune of Green Days "American Idiot." Has the lyrics scroll across the bottom. This version of the video is ten times better than the version Green Day put out. If you watch ANYTHING I post, watch this.

Snowglobe - This thing ROCKS. A living snow globe. Shake it up, and see the people fly. Only thing is, let the people interact for a while, and watch the snowman... for a while. Minutes... Heehee...

Strongbad Part Time Job - StrongBad has a part-time job. There's a few hidden cookies at the end. As always its a must see simply because, its StrongBad.

Neurotically Yours - Germaine and Pillz-E talk about his doctor and Coffee.

Scream - Re-enacted in 30 seconds... by bunnies.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Re-enacted in 30 seconds... by bunnies.

Jeepers!!! - Just watch this. Its amazing. Its beautiful. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll soil yourself.

Magical Trevor - Dug this up from the past. One of my personal faves. Its a loop, so after you hear it 8 thousand times, don't expect it to change.

Dad's Home - Another Old fave. This guy just rocks. He's my hero. One day, I will be like him. Oh yes. It will be accomplished. I will rock out.

And Why Were You Named That?

I just read another article on "Most Popular Baby Names." The current trend is Celtic. Great. Trendy names. I was gifted with one of the most common names to ever grace the face of the earth. A couple of you know it. Those of you who don't I am sure are not surpised that Mr. Toolbox is not my given name. Its actually just something a random Republican called me one day and I fell in love with it. Well... minus the Mr. I added that part. Sounds more distinguished that way. Ack. Off that tangent, back to the real subject, baby names.

Celtic is the trend. When asked why parents choose the name, they give reasons like the sound, unusual spelling, popularity... I say BULLSHIT. Try running around, with way too many people with your name, that everyone has to go by a damn nickname. I like my name, I like my nickname(s), but it is hard when in a professional situation I get introduced by both, or there are eight introductions with the same first name.

Add into that, uncommon spellings? Good idea, confuse the kid. Have his teachers tell him he is spellling his name wrong. You know some teachers aren't too bright. Not all, but over the course of the years, think back... We all had those select few teachers that were real dipshits. Your child is due to have a couple too. Don't add to the mix by spelling their name wrong to make them different.

Now, here is how to name your kid. Pick a name with some damn meaning to you. Yes, there is an idea. A name that means something. That great aunt or uncle that you didn't know all too well, but just seemed cool as hell. That dude from second grade that you remember that was your best freind for a year. Someone famous that you like, even if they aren't a role model, you don't have to tell your kids they were named after porn stars. This is my son Ron Jeremy Smith and my daughter Jenna Smith...

I've got an idea for my kids, if I ever have any. My children will be named after heroin addicts from rock groups. First born son will be Layne (after Layne Staley from Alice In Chains.) The rest are open to negotiation. But there are so many to choose from. You have Scott (Weiland), Kurt (Cobain), Courtney (Love), Janice (Joplin), Jimi (Hendrix), Ozzy (Osborne)... the list could go on forever.

Just use some originality people. Don't follow the trend and be part of the mainstream. But, whatever you do, don't give your child a name that is guarenteed to get them beat up, made fun of, and the like. So no Berthas, Hortenses, Cecils, Brunhildas, Leslies or Terrys for boys, etc. Be good to your kids. Think.

(popular kids names article)

Analyzing Paganism

I must confess, I read my horoscope. Its text messaged to my phone every morning. I'm even a big enough dork to have done my full on astrological chart. (I had a friend think this was some simple task, but it involves your birth time, and literally where every single planet was at the time you were born. Its not as simple as "virgo.")

Of course, with the new year, these fun little astrology sites have your "yearly" horoscopes. So, I am going to take and post my prediction for 2005, and analyze it with my own special deductive skills.

You'll probably find the first half of 2005 to be quite different from the second, Virgo. During winter and spring, you'll be thinking over money matters, and trying to get things settled. In summer and fall, you may feel the need to hibernate for a while to get your energy level back to where it was before all the excitement started -- and these seasons will be exciting, for several reasons.

Ok, that means I'm broke now. CORRECT. So, I have to bust ass to get caught up, then I'll be worn out and not do shit for the other half of the year. Sounds like crap to me.

Still, you'll have nothing but success when it comes to finances, especially if you're working with a partner. Jupiter, the benevolent king of the gods, will spend most of the year helping you to make sound financial decisions and choose the right partners. Listen carefully to the advice of elders around the end of January. A relationship will heat up and turn quite passionate around the end of February -- and it will stay that way through March.

Money wise I'll do good, and get out of my current hellhole. I like that. Listen to the advice of elders (my guess is the two old people I live with who share DNA with me, supposedly). Heated up and passionate relationship around end of February through March. That means I'm getting some, right? CUE THE PORN MUSIC!!!

A pair of eclipses during April will get your spring off to an amazing start -- especially when it comes to intimate matters and joint finances. Someone from out of town may also make a rather stunning entrance into your life. Tend to your career responsibilities during May and June, and expect to be rewarded by authority figures as early as June 4th. Secrets and whispers will be on the agenda at the end of June, so expect to be spending some time behind closed doors -- but not necessarily alone.

Half of this crap is jibberish. I'm taking this as someone is gonna show up out of nowhere, and confuse the bejeezus out of me. Work and finances will go good, and I'm gonna be getting more booty than shaft since that intimate matters and closed doors not alone referance thing. I'm just a bit worried I'm gonna end up being a scumbag of sorts because of the whispers and someone showing up unexpected from outta town. What if its like, some rich supermodel who has been reading my blog all this time and wants me for my mind? It is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states, and Canada.

Summer will arrive with the chance to join forces with a whole new group, either for spiritual or metaphysical reasons. You'll get an awful lot out of their company and their influence, so don't hesitate to get totally involved. Your birthday will be extra fun this year, thanks to a new Moon and a full Moon, bringing along surprises and lots of fast-paced change.

I join a wacked out religious cult this summer. My birthday is fun as my new cult family helps me celebrate my 29th year of exhistance in human form. We have to run from the authorities, which brings about a lot of fast paced change.

If you're in need of the advice of a professional during fall, rest assured that you'll find someone who can help during October or November. Look around carefully, do your homework and be sure to investigate all your options before you sign on the dotted line. Expect long-distance friends and family to come along during the holidays, making them especially merry. Enjoy!

I'll need a lawyer or a psychiatrist in the fall, and I'll find someone who can help. I'll have to look carefully, and investigate all options before I sign the dotted line (no public defenders). My family/friends will travel cross country to visit me in jail/loony bin to make me merry.

...and that concludes the summary of my 2005

Late at Breaking the News

Vioxx Defeats Porn - The number one spam is no longer about hot, juicy, big butt women in tiny bikini's who are willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy, oh no. The number one in spam is ads convincing you that you have a disease you don't have, that you just absolutely need to be medicated for.

Got A Permit? - A city council in Texas held up an ordinance requiring strippers to wear their permits while they are on stage. This does sound very necessary. I know I want to be very sure that a dancer is licenced, bondaged, and insured before she grinds me. I need to know the young lady went through whatever sort of rigorous screening dancers go through. Although I can spot them from a mile away, I would also like their permits to list if they are natural or modified, and what sort of modifications exist.

Speaking of Modified... - Anna Nicole Smith is in the news again. We all know she's nuts. We all know she is a surgery queen. We all know she married an old guy for money. We all know she is being cheated out of her pre-nup. My question is simple: why on earth would she choose a lawyer named Howard Stern? Thats right, she's crazy. Already answered my question.

Needs Modification - Kirstie Alley is dieting. Uh huh. She's going on Jenny Craig because her food is the "yummiest" and she helped her lose an entire 15 pounds 14 years ago. Guess what? Your a hell of a lot older. Your also 70 pounds overweight this time. Big differance. I see you going the way of Delta Burke. Just embrace who you are and be happy.

Mobile Phones Kill - And? Like anyone cares. Smoking kills. McDonalds kills. Pollution kills. SUVs kill. 4 Krispy Kremes and a Vente Caramel Machiatto from Starbucks every morning will kill. Doesn't stop people. Why? We like it. Don't do studies like that. No one is listening. We need our coffee and donuts for breakfast, our gas guzzling SUVs in bumper to bumper rush hour expressway traffic, fast food lunch, all while talking on the cell phone and chain smoking. Its the American way.

Where's My Keys? - This man, is a true Hoosier. Robs a store of 3 cartons of smokes. Unfortuneately he locked his keys in the car, and went back in the store and got mad that the guy in the store called the police after he left. So, he robbed the store of $50 too. Went outside, but forgot he didn't have the keys to his car, so, had to go back in. Grabbed a broom, and went BACK out. Busted his window, and started driving away. Was hard to drive away though. It was during a blizzard. He got stuck in a ditch during the chase.

Magic Snowball - Someone is selling a snowball on E-bay that they made from the snow that fell in Texas on Christmas. I figure it has to be magic or something, like making something like Frosty the snowman. Somthing. If someone does buy the damn thing, I'm gonna start selling anything I can find around my house on E-bay and post the stuff in my blog too. This is just getting rediculous.

Steroid League - This, is the greatest idea ever. Seperate leagues for drug users. One problem though. No one will watch the non-drug users leagues anymore. Who wants to watch a bunch of puny little guys when you can see the juiced up full on guys that are at the top of their game? Moral values my ass. Tell little Johnny he can't see Barry Bonds play and hit home runs, and instead is going to see Tim Snatoonski go for the consecutive game streak and see what little Johnny says.

Sleeping on the Job - Some guy fell asleep on the job. He worked on an oil rig. Doesn't sound too shocking yet. Lets add in the amazon, where anaconda's live. He got all eaten up. There is some sort of biblical moral to this I think, about hard work. If you wanna see pictures, click the link.

Heads or Tails - A judge needed to decide a childs custody for Christmas quickly between two parents a few days before. He did the only thing that seemed right, he got a big knife... no he didn't. He tossed the kid in the air and the kid landed on his head... so the mom got him. Well, that was partially true. He used a coin to toss, not the kid.

FUH2 - Interesting website. People take pictures of themselves, giving Hummer H2s the finger.

Law Sloth - Another Liberals blog. They have scoured a site called "We're not Sorry" of people who sent pictures in of themselves who voted for Bush. The pictures and commentary are HILARIOUS!!!!!

...and that concludes our news for the week.

Just Take Your Time, Your Life Is Just Beginning

Have you ever had that feeling of not quite fitting in? Just that slightly off feeling, that just somehow something isn't right. You do things to alter the fabric of your life, but every time you try it on it just doesn't seem to be tailored to fit you. That's what the song of this week is about.

Its a new year, this song is sort of about new beginnings to me. I am going to try to keep a lot of the bands and music I share on my sister blog to be some of my lesser known bands and groups I listen to, and this one is no exception... I think. I'm not an avid radio listener.

The bands name is (hed)pe and the song's name is Other Side. They are from Huntington Beach, California, and their sound varies a lot from song to song. At times they have that Rap meets rock band sound, at times punk, at times raggae, and at times something new and unique (think Sublime). This song falls more so into that last category.

Here's to new beginnings, and finding something better for yourself.
(hear the song and read the lyrics)

Theres Principalities...

Cartoons and news are postponed. I'll either do them late, or on their regular dates. Gosh dern holidays were part of the problem. Now that religious celebrations and the changing of the year are over, things may get back to normal. I might even come up with a better schedule that I can KEEP!!!

For amusement purposes today, I am going to do the quote thing from my phone. I've got about three weeks built up, so there will be a lot...

• To give up the task of reforming society is to give up one's responsibility as a free man. - Alan Paton
• It is better to ask some of the questions than to know all of the answers. - James Thurber
• If a man does not keep pace with is companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. - Henry David Thoreau
• No men living are more worthy to be trusted than those who toil up from poverty. - Abraham Lincoln
• If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job. - Malcolm Forbes
• Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. - Billie Burke
• The man who sees both sides of the question is the man who sees absolutely nothing. - Oscar Wilde
• Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction. - John F. Kennedy
• A statesman is a politician who has been dead ten or fifteen years. - Harry S. Truman
• Revenge has no more quenching effect on emotions than salt water has on thirst. - Walter Slezak
• Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. - Mrs. Patrick Campbell
• I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. - Thomas Watson
• The trouble with born-again christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around. - Herb Caen
• They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. - George W. Bush.

At First I Was Afraid, I Was Petrified

Just a quick post that I have survived my New Years celebration. I did not get drunk. I did not drive. I did not smoke. I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

I did go to a party. I did see things that I never thought I would ever see. I was evil in some ways (my tormenting of a wanna be DJ, who later tried to diss me by running out of beer when they reached me while filling people from a pitcher, but I was drinking Pepsi, heehee.) I was good in others. I will also never look at a bottle of champagne the same way again.

Fun evening. Was more fun making fun of one of my friends this morning. He didn't remember anything after 10:30pm. His quote of the morning... "I'm such a LOSER!!!"