I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt

So sexy it hurts...

Photoshop Phriday

Yesterdays photoshop phriday on somethingawful was particularly good. The theme was "Breakfast Cereals." Check it out. (link)

Monkey Police

It's about time. We are finally training monkeys to be Police officers. Right now, capuchin monkeys (think the one from Friends) are being trained to do hazardous police work. I'm sure this will continually expand, until the little critters are dressed up in uniform, have guns, and live off of coffee and donuts.

Little cars and motorcycles with monkey drivers will roam our streets. They will enforce traffic laws, do busts on crack houses, break up domestic disputes, protect and serve just like any other officer.

I see a few advantages to this: it will be easier to bribe an officer. Instead of needing cash, just keep a banana, or a jar of peanut butter in the car at all times. Although monkey police would probably be more trigger happy, the bullets from a capuchin monkey sized gun would probably be much less lethal. Most importantly, the monkeys breath would smell better.

(source)

The Cartoons, The Video, They Bring The Joy to the Little Childrens

Blair and dubs Music Video - After watching this, I find myself singing the song. Its beautful.

Why Al Gore Invented the Internet - This has to be one of the most thought provoking things I have ever seen. It really stimulates the mind.

Your Not Fully Clean - Excellent commercial. Makes me want to get a dog.

YAAFM 50 Cent - The truth hurts sometimes. (alternate link in case of error)

MC Hawking - This one was just wrong. Very, very wrong. So of course I laughed. (alternate link)

Waiting For Star Wars - "Star Wars Episode III is gonna be the greatest movie ever created... by a man." (only 20 days!!! Yes, I'm a Sci Fi dork. Not enough to dress up like a Stormtrooper to see it. Darth Sidius maybe... but NOT a stormtrooper.)

Random 10 Songs

Once again, I shall be sharing a random ten songs that are on my playlist of music. Todays list is the usual blend of Oddities. I have to post the absolute strangest one first.

1. I (Who Have Nothing) by Tom Jones*
2. The Element of One by Killswitch Engage
3. Star by The Cult
4. Walk Away by Ben Harper
5. Know Your Enemy by Rage Against the Machine
6. Drag the Waters by Pantera
7. Owner of the World by Oysterhead
8. Stupid Girl by Cold
9. The End has Come by Ben Moody
10. Wild Wild West by Kool Moe Dee

*Yes, Tom Jones. I'm actually a fan. If he was 23 and American, he would be your next American Idol!!!

Rules of Grammar

When writing, one does not need to put a space in front of punctuation marks. Also statements need to be ended by a period, not a question mark.

Incorrect usage: Michael , my boy , American Idol rocks ! Here's the problem . It's hard to love , or even like for that matter , something you haven't seen ?

Proper: Michael, my boy, American Idol rocks! Here's the problem. It's hard to love, or even like for that matter, something you haven't seen.

Proofread your work. Spellcheck may let things slip by.

Incorrect: Yeah that's funny you slimmy bunkshooter.

Correct: Yes, that is funny you slimy bunkshooter. (I am not sure what a bunkshooter is, so anyone who could provide a defination would be appreciated.)

Proofread to make sure your statments make sense.

Incorrect: Now put your finger in the wound and twist it around . That's your kind of humor right.

Correct: Now take your finger and shove it up your ass. Now the fist. Do that with the other hand. Now clap. That's your kind of humor, right? That's what Simon loves, I know that from experiance.

Now, lets take a look at a full paragraph.

Michael , Michael ,

Now your questioning my intelligence ? American Idol was your topic. You invited commentary and I chose to opine mine . When does the humor part start ?
No thanks for the suggestion that I listen to Pavarotti singing " O solo mio ." I'll take Frogman Henry anyday of the week .
You were right about one thing though . Music is a human pleasure that is defined by the human as either enjoyable or not enjoyable . It's a personal choice.

According to you " very dry sarcasm " is humor . Using that definition I would like to be funny , Gravy Head , your stuff should be read to amnesia patients as therapy !

It should have been typed:

Michael, Michael, (there is no space in between punctuation)

Now you're (as in you are, not your) questioning my intelligence? (no space needed) American Idol was your topic. You invited commentary and I chose to opine mine (this statement doesn't make sense, since "opine" means to offer ones opinion, therefore the mine is uneccessary. Again, no space needed) When does the humor part start? (no space again) No thanks on the suggestion of listening to Pavarotti singing "O Solo Mio." (again, spaces unnecessary) I'll take Frogman Henry any day of the week. (Is frogman Henry a character on Sesame Street?) You were right about one thing though. (I am not listing the space again after this, but I will note that is a sentence fragment.) Music is human choice that is defined by the listener as either enjoyable or not enjoyable. Its a personal choice.

According to you, "very dry sarcasm" is humor. Using that definition I would like to be funny, Gravy Head. (that is one complete sentence, therefore a period would have made an effective end, not a comma. A comma created what is called a run on sentence class.) Your stuff should be read to amnesia patients as therapy! (I don't understand that supposed insult. If my writings would be able to restore the memories of those suffering from amnesia, I take that as a compliment that my writing is that thought provoking.)

I am not an english major. I know my blog contains mispellings, and other grammatical errors. They do not exist in every sentence I type. If an individual wants to be taken seriously in the "grown up" world, one must learn the rules of grammar. One is not taken seriously, or as having a high level of intellect, if they are unable to create a readable text.

Also, the high level of insults, such as "Gravy Head" are very childish and unoriginal. So class, point and laugh at the little boy who can't comprehend that my last post was a commentary on pop stars. Many famous musicians have had many issues, that are well documented. That referance was tied in to the television show American Idol, since two contestants had past troubles, both of which have been cleared. Just like many other musicians, actors and actresses in the world.

Someone To Look Up To

I'm sorry. That is one of the worst ways to start out something a person is writing, but for this topic, I have to apologize ahead of time. Why? I am writing about American Idol.

I know, I know. I shun so called reality TV, let along a show that shoves a bunch of people on stage to sing music that I for the most part don't like. Now I'm writing about it. It's different though this time.

There are truly representative challangers of what it takes to be an American Pop icon. There is Scott the jello boy, who was arrested for domestic violence. There is also Bo, who was arrested for possession of marijauna, coke, paraphenalia, and public intoxication. Now THOSE are truly characteristics of what it takes to make it big in the entertainment business.

All the greats have issues. Elvis=pill popper. Hendrix=drugs. Jackson=sex with little boys. James Brown=drugs, domestic violence. In that group we have 2 kings and a godfather.

That's why even though I haven't watched an episode, I just get my Idol force fed through the media and news, I must hope that Bo or Scott win. They truly are American Idols.

My Ear Itches

A man's ears are itchy. He scratches them, repeatedly. Eventually he scratches them to the point of drawing blood. Brilliant idea next, he stuffs cotton balls in them. He finally goes to the doctor to find out why his ears itch so much. Oh, it was only the maggots that were growing in them. About fifty. Of course this didn't happen in the US. It happened in everyones favorite name for a town in the English speaking world... Phuket.

The doc figured flies flew in his ears and layed eggs. So, if flies go near your ears, remember to swat them away. Don't want your ears to start itching. Takes a lot of cotton balls to cover that itch up.

Pollin' Pollin' Pollin', Keep That Bloggie Pollin', Pollin'... RAWHIDE!!!

Last weeks results to "Who does the new Pope look like?"

1. 50% Ted Knight
2. 33% Leslie Nielson
3. 17% Don knotts

The new poll is going to be: Whose marriage do you think is going to last longest?

• Kevin Federline and Brittany Spears
• Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez
• Sir Elton John and Mr. David Furnish
  

$165,000,000,000

Out of extreme boredom, I decided to do a little math.

According to my little "Money spent on war in Iraq" icon, we have spent over $165 Billion ($165,000 million for people in some countries) on the war.

Crude oil is at around $50 a barrel.

US oil consumption is around 20.4 million barrels a day (2004 figure).

$165 billion (US) will buy 3.3 Billion (US) barrels of oil.

If we consume 20.4 million barrels a day, that amount of money would have bought enough oil to supply our entire country for a little over 161 days. This isn't just gasoline, this is motor oil, jet fuel, diesel fuel, plastic... EVERYTHING made from petroleum.

Little Girls Take Steroids to be Pretty

Oh yes, that is what the study says. Little girls as young as 9 use steroids. Since the blogosphere is loaded with three types of people: people like me, who just rant about stuff; Republicans who think they will get some sort of syndicated column by spouting off on a blog about Liberals who don't do a thing that they claim; and little girls who complain about how life is bad and that they kissed Timmy and Rebecca and Jenny are being bitches and Colin Farrel is so hot. It is to the third, boldfaced group, that I am addressing after this quote from the article.

In teenage girls, the side effects from taking male sex hormones can include severe acne, smaller breasts, deeper voice, irregular periods, excess facial and body hair, depression, paranoia and the fits of anger dubbed ``roid rage.''

This response is coming from the mind of a 28 year old heterosexual man. The last woman I would want to date, is a woman with severe acne, small boobs, a deep manly voice, excess body hair (back and boobs), a 5 o'clock shadow worse than Fred Flintstones, that is depressed, paranoid, and mean.

You will be 10 billion times prettier, more beautiful, sexier, attractive, etc. if you are a heavier than the damn waifs they show on TV and in magazines. Most models are disgustingly thin, and when you see one in person you know how doctored the photos are, and you want to force feed them large, greasy sandwiches since they look so malnourished.

In fact, guys like a girl that can sit down and eat something besides a piece of lettuce and some tofu. If the woman can sit down and eat a bunch of hot wings and put back a 6 pack of beer, I'm all the more attracted to her.

Fuck the magazines, fuck TV, fuck movies. Its all a damn lie that no one can live up to. Even the people in the shit don't look the part in real life.

Sir Elton John is Gittin' Hitched

It is official, Sir Elton John is going to be marrying his longtime significant other, Mr. David Furnish when same sex civil unions will be fully legal, on December 5th [*edit: in the UK*] of this year. The couple has been together for 11 years now, and are finally able to make it official.

So, all you conservatives out there, your supposed "sanctity of Marriage" is getting destroyed. Last time I checked, God doesn't know international borders, as he is everywhere. English speaking, loving couples that are the same gender are going to be getting married by the THOUSANDS and there isn't a thing you can do about it.

The wave has started, and it will spread across the globe. You'll look out your window at the newly wed gay couple next door, who will talk to your children. Then your children will catch the "gay cooties" and no longer take any interest in the opposite sex. They'll pass the cooties on to their friends, and the whole school will turn GAY!!! Then the "gay agenda" of conquoring the US and ending our breeding will be accomplished. All babies will be grown in test tubes and have purple skin and 4 fingers on each hand!!!

You can look at the bright side though, with no one having heterosexual sex anymore, there will be no more abortion.

Da Shizzolator, Part Three

Input a blog that has interesting dialogue, like The Incredible Hulk's into the shizzolator.

Have trouble interpreting between bad hulk language, and Shizzolatedness.

Its fun for the whole family.

(does anyone think I'm enjoying the shizzolator too much?)

Got a Few Hours to Kill?

In case anyone needs some sort of meaningless activity to kill off a few hours, go to Terraserver and do some playing. The site won't open using Firefox, so if your like me, you'll have to undust IE to get it to run. It's also halfway pointless if you aren't in the US, or live in the middle of nowhere. For folks like me though... its a bit too time consuming. How so? Here is my institute of higher education, as it looks from space.

Oh, and parking is far worse than it looks...

Da Shizzolator Again Fo Sho'

Fun things to do with da Shizzolator.

1. Go to official white house website.
2. Go to social security reform home page.
3. Cut and Paste Url into Shizzolator.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/infocus/social-security/index.html

Da Shizzolator

Its so much cooler when you think Snoop is explaining Social Security.

It's even better that it says "President Big Baby Bush."

Matisyahu

This guy is absolutely amazing. LOVE the music.
Here is a link to a video.

It Really Is Communist

One of the things that Republican's told me is true. It really is Communist to raise the minimum wage. Homeboy Fidel just raised the minimum wage in Cuba. Actually... he more than doubled it. Can't have us do communist things here, and raise minimum wages to help the lower income earning members of society. That would make us commies. Why raise the minimum wage when we have welfare anyway. Heh.

The Random 10 Songs

1. I've Seen All This World I Care to See covered by Jerry Cantrell
2. I'm Leaving Now by Johnny Cash with Merle Haggard
   
3. Situation by Godsmack
4. Comfortable by John Mayer
5. Back In Black by AC/DC
6. Deathblow by the Deftones
7. Mandy by Barry Manilow
8. Aenema by Tool
9. Your the First, the Last, My Everything by Barry White
10. Roullette by System of a Down
    

Cartoons and Videos For All the Little Childrens

Lil Brudder Show - A new short starring the infamous "Lil Brudder." If you never saw the original Strongbad e-mail with Lil Brudder... here it is.

Neurotically Yours - This cartoon is making a quick run to the shitter. I enjoyed it when it made fun of the mainstream. Now... its gone conservative. Sell outs!!! Next thing you know Foamy is gonna be under dubs desk holding nuts in his cheeks.

The Linda Show 2 - After seeing foamy, I found something on the other end of the spectrum. Not the greatest cartoon in the world, but entertaining.

Singing at Mickey D's - Two guys sing a song in McDonalds about their love of the griddle cakes.

Rubbing Alcohol is Flammable - This video demonstrates Darwin's theory of evolution very well.

I Did This Because I Hate You!!! - This is hilarious. (nudity warning)

Tha Shizzolator

Pardon me, have you ever had problems reading a page since it was typed in proper english. That is a problem no more, thanks to "Tha Shizzolator." A computer mock up of Snoop Dogg will translate the web page for you, so that you may understand better. A full transcript of this post "Shizzolated" follows, in italics of course.

Pardon me, has yo' ass ever had problems reading a page since that shiznit wuz typed in proper english, know what I'm sayin'? That is a problem no mo', thanks "Tha Shizzolator n' shit. " A computer mock up of Snoop Dogg will shizzolate da web page fo' yo' ass, so that yo' ass may understand better, know what I'm sayin'? A full transcript of this post "Shizzolated" follows, in italics of course, know what I'm sayin'?

(Link to da shizzlator fo sho)

That "Mandate" Thing Republican's Love

It took me over 5 months to figure it out, but I now know what they meant by "mandate." They were mispelling it. Its really "man date." Its about when two heterosexual men, go out on a "date." They're NOT GAY!!! Not that there is anything wrong with that. These two men go out, and go for walks in the park, out to dinner, and see a movie... but THEY'RE NOT GAY!!! Not that there is anything wrong with that... they are just straight.

So, all they were saying is, that dubs and "Big Dick" Cheney were gonna be going out for strolls in the park, catching the latest movie, going out to dinner, that sort of thing. They were gonna be having a "man date."

Amazing how simple it really was. You go boys!!! Have that man date.

(source)

I'm Rick James Bitch!!!

Rick James is alive, and running for city council in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Unfortuneately people keep stealing his "Vote Rick James" campaign signs. They're in dorm windows EVERYWHERE!!! I know he'd have my vote. Guy could win a lot of elections just by name recognition. (Should I vote for Joe Zufklowkinatz or Rick James...)

Jenna Got a Big 'Ol Butt... Oh Yeah...

Awwww yeeeeaaaah!!!! Jenna Bush at it again. My favorite first daughter EVER once again in the news. In keeping up with her conservative, moral, religious upbringing, Miss Jenna went out to the bars for a bachelorette party. She'd been smokin' and drinkin' and shiznit. Then she hit the dance floor to show off her moves. Got out there and shook what gawd gave her!!! Jenna got out there and did the booty dance. A shaking dat ass!!! The thong-thu-thong-thong-thong was a showin!!! Can I get an AMEN!!!

Now, I must announce a contest. The first person to find me a website that has the video clip of this, will get their ass kissed in this blog. I will type "thanks to (insert name here) for finding me a video of Jenna. *kisses (insert name here)'s ass* No, I will not literally kiss your ass, but words mean a lot... right? Now, I shall provide the lyrics to what will now be known as, the Jenna Bush Booty dance song, formerly known as "Doin' the Butt" by EU.

Alright. Come on. Sing it one time
(Yeah-ee yeah. Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee Yeah)
Sing! Ow!
(Yeah-ee yeah. Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee Yeah)
Ha! Ha!

Walked in this place surprised to see
A big girl gettin' busy, just rockin' to the go-go beat
The way she shook her booty sho' looked good to me
I said, 'Come here, big girl, won't you rock my world
Show that dance to me.' She was

CHORUS:
Doin' the butt. Hey pretty, pretty
When you get that notion, put your backfield in motion, hey
Doin' the butt. Hey sexy, sexy Ain't nothing wrong, if you
wanna do the butt all night long

(Hey yeah-ee yeah. Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee Yeah)
Ow, what you gonna do about it
(Yeah-ee yeah. Yeah-ee) Shake it! (Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee Yeah)

I took that girl out on the floor
She rocked me from the backside
We did the butt til it made me sore
Now, it's a physical thing, but not hard to do
You just shake-a shake shake shake
Shake-a shake shake
Doin' the butt the whole night through, come on

CHORUS

That's right! Shake your butt.
Come on! Gimme that butt! Gimme that butt!

Tanya got a big ol' butt (oh yeah?)
Theresa got a big ol' butt (oh yeah?)
Irene got a big ol' butt (oh yeah?)
Melissa got a big ol' butt now
And Sonya got a big ol' butt (oh yeah?)
And Shirley got a big ol' butt (oh yeah?)
Ol' Tammy got a bubble butt (oh yeah?)
Little Keisha got a big ol' butt, now, gimme the butt!

(Yeah-ee yeah. Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee Yeah)
I'm gonna drop you lines, before we set up
We're screamin' at girls with the big ol' butt, sing it
(Yeah-ee yeah. Yeah-ee) Ow! (Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee Yeah)
I want your butt. That butt. That big ol' big ol' butt. Ow!

CHORUS

Does It Come with Kung Fu Grip?

A Republican's wet dream come true. Jesus, Mary, and Moses... the action figures. Some company has found a way to profit off the prophet. They now make biblical toys that say religious type things at the push of a button. Now Jesus can battle the forces of Cobra Commander, or Megatron, or hell, even My Little Pony. Jesus can stop their evil by turning water into wine and causing the forces of Cobra to get shitfaced, and not fight well. Now THAT is a true hero. Hope no mishaps in the speech happen, like with Po of the teletubbies.

So, Jesus, son of god, the messiah, how does it feel to die for our sins, and be turned into a material possession? I'm sure he would think great, I'm available for the low price of $24.99 at a store near you.

I am BENDER!!!

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Can it, you're Bender!

In the robot world, you are a bit of a lightweight in the colossal death league, but you do mutter "kill all humans" in your sleep - and after all, it's the thought that counts. We love you because you drink, steal, smoke cigars and gamble away things that aren't even yours. You've got what it takes. You're the right stuff.

Yet, a New Poll

Another week, another poll. I shall begin with the new poll, which was inspired by a comment from my friend Garlic Butter.

Who does the new pope look like?



Leslie Nielson



Ted Knight (Caddyshack, Too Close for Comfort)



Don Knotts




Now, the results from last weeks poll.

1. 30% Oompa Loompas.
2. 20% Magical Trevor
3. 20% The Joy of Painting
4. 10% Meatwad
5. 10% Nosferatu
6. 5% ShaftWars
7. 5% Trogdor, the Burninator
8. 0% Unabomber; Spewey; Papa Smurf
   

Insert Words Here

Its a disgusting thing when the mind goes blank. So much to say about everything, but little comes to mind at the present time. Therefore, we ramble. Could be about the weather. Maybe sports. Perhaps even about the 400 pound man with excess back hair in a speedo you passed while going to get an ice cream cone. Just some sort of event that captured your thoughts at the time.

Unfortuneately, I haven't had any of those experiances lately. The news has been all life or death situations. I leave the really tactless humor towards others, although I might provide a link to it at times. Everyone needs some disturbing humor now and then.

So, until I find that news article that screams "make fun of me!!!" I must continue the battle with writers block. *sigh* I shall win the battle though. Yes I shall.

In the Land of 1,000 quotes

• "We all know a fool when we see one -- but not when we are one" - Arnold H. Glasgow (I usually do, cuz the rest of the room is pointing and laughing.)
  
• "Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action." - Benjamin Disraeli (Alcohol may not bring happiness, but there is no happiness without alcohol)
  
• "Charity shall cover the multitude of sins." - Bible (So don't give anything to charity... gotcha)
  
• "There are no facts, only interpretations." - Friedrich Nietzsche (That means as long as I believe it, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks? Oh, the places I could go with this...)
  
• "Wit is educated insolence." - Aristotle (I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass.)
  
• "Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves." - Gene Fowler (It's all about the Benjamins?)
  
• "No one can earn a million dollars honestly." - William Jennings Bryan (C'mon, not even Martha Stewart, Michael Jackson, or The Donald?)
  
• "There is no education like diversity" - Benjamin Disraeli (Not messing with this one. Makes too much sense.)
  
• "Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree long ago." - Warren Buffet (Someone is eating a bacon cheddar ranch because Hootie sold out a long time ago... or because of Vida Guerra's caboose.)
  
• "It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter." - (Only if they help you bury the bodies.)
  
• "We do not forgive a giver. The hand that feeds us is in some danger of being bitten." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (now you tell me. I didn't need those fingers anyway.)
  
• "What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (He must have met some of those loud mouthed neo-cons.)
  

Those Moral Parents

Terry Schiavo's parents are so moral, so just. They did what any good, conservative, caring couple would do with what they had. Everyone who was worried about Terry, and sent things to the parents, have had their names, addresses, e-mail addresses, phone numbers sold to a conservative mailing group. Show your support for Terry, and get more junk mail. They really were caring people. They made money off of the situation, by exploiting others. How sweet.

(source)

Friday Post #2 done on Saturday - Cartoons

Strongbad - Strongbad explains rampages. When the toon is done, click on the text different and rampages. Those are the easter egg cookies... or something.

Snort King - This guy knows how to snort his condiments.

Crack Spackle - From an episode of the Man Show. (misses Adam and Jimmy being on the show, who are now on a where are they now special. Talk about career moves... EEEESH!!!)

Friday Post #1 done on Saturday - Music

Yes, I forgot to post. Friday's and easy day too. Here is my 10 songs from iTunes that happen to be there, in no particular order.

1. Join in the Chant by Nitzer Ebb
2. Kick Out the Jams covered by Rage Against the Machine
3. Your Cheatin' Heart by Hank Williams Sr.
4. S & M (A Love Song) by the Kidneythieves
5. Too Close to Hate by Sevendust
6. Ride Wit Me by Nelly
7. Working Class Hero covered by the Screaming Trees
8. Layne by Staind
9. Scarlet Begonias covered by Sublime
10. Come Sail Away covered by Eric Cartman
    

Late Breaking Blog

The almighty sweetandsourgoth discovered a blog that... cannot be described in words. This is sick, twisted, and wrong on every sense of the level.

Sick individuals like me find it hilarious though.

(Link to the blog in question)

The Boondocks

Original Axis of Evil

(Pardon me for a moment, for a brief serious writing.)

When reading the news, it is important to see the story from all sides. To only accept one viewpoint condemns an indivdual to a partisan view. Only by seeing an issue from all sides, and making a decision, can a person escape being labeled as ignorant.

In order to get many views, sometimes a less traveled road is needed. One of the websites to get an alternative view on politics and world events is a very non-western newsite, Aljazeera. In a story on the colonization of areas in Africa, the middle east, and far east, shows a much different view.

The lead in for the story is when Prince Harry wore a Nazi costume to a party. The incident made headlines all over the western world. The costume Prince William wore never made any headlines. He was wearing a Zulu tribesman costume.

For those who are unaware, the Zulu's were slaughtered by British colonialists in South Africa. Wearing a Zulu costume is the same level as wearing a Star on ones arm marking them as being Jewish during the rein of Hitler in Germany. Yet it received no mention in Western news.

The past is something that is done, and changes cannot be made. People have been oppressed and killed in many cultures around the world. Eternal damnation is not what a nation should endure. That nation should take full acknowledgement of its actions, and remember them so as not to repeat the mistakes of the past.

(source)

Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute

Yet another harmful pollutant has been discovered. It is able to be prevented, but only an individual can do it. That pollutant is dandriff.

Trillions of skin particles from people's heads are polluting the very air in which we breathe. These pollutants do amazing damage to the air. We must all do a few simple things to counter the effects. Bathe regularly, and use dandrif shampoo if needed.

Save the earth. Get rid of your flakes.

Ay Yo Yoko

The results from last weeks poll are in. It was a close one, with a damn fine turnout I might add. Here are the results of "Who would you rather throw rocks at?"

1. 56% Yoko Ono
2. 44% Courtney Love

The new poll, will be one for my own needs. I'm having trouble between picking out 3 icons for something. I get bored and make these things. I'd rather have something really original, than have to use something I took from someone else. The poll will be up, with a slew of the pictures. Feel free to vote for more than one. I'm not sure exactly which ones I'm going to use yet. I just want input from folks. I had more than I could fit, so I had to pick and choose.

NASCAR

I know, there are some of you, that may take offense to this. NASCAR is bullshit. Its a bunch of rednecks, turning left, in overated sedans with the doors welded shut.

Now, I read this article, "Where has the respect gone?" Let me get this straight. A racer is in an accident, and a vet is knocked out of the race because of the young guy. That vet gets in the face of the young guy, so the young guy flips him off. So NASCAR, and a bunch of other drivers, get mad at the young guy.

How about, if the vet gets some respect, and doesn't go picking fights. All the kid did was give a reply. What's he supposed to do, take shit from some guy because he's been around longer? Bullshit. You give the respect you get.

Just another reason why I don't like that damn racing series. Watch Rally. That's real racing.

Due To...

Due to Lack of original thought... I bring you this.

2 Web Pages

NakeDan the Handyman - This is scary. You can hire "NakeDan" to do work, be a butler, whatever. He'll come over and do it... nekkid.

WarriorWeb - The Ultimate Warrior isn't just a washed up wrestler, he is also a Republican. In typical Republican fashion, he spends all his time laying out insults, even to other Republicans. Guess that's what you do when your wrestling career is over, and your an old, bitter, white man: you join the Republican Party.

I read some of the forums, and its the usual. College turns people into liberals, liberals only react on emotions... I hate to break this to ya, but education teaches you how to dissect information, and find the value. That turns you into a liberal. As far as playing on emotions, what do you call the Terry Schiavo led Republican fight? Playing on fears: what do you call the constant referances of 9/11 and terrorism in every dubs speech? My favorite is that all liberals are anti-American, because we exercise our right to free speech.

Sad thing is, they don't see it for themselves. I will admit, I do have a lot of respect for some Republicans. Some think clearly, and express thier views. Sometimes they make a lot of sense. Too bad it seems that more and more are only about name calling.

Looks like my two website post turned into a political tangent.

The Other Thing I Missed.... Music

• Strange Currencies by R.E.M.
  
• Cure For Pain by Morphine
• Get Ready by Sublime
• The Ghost Woman and the Hunter by Lacuna Coil
• River of Deceit by Mad Season
• How Many Cans? by Soul Coughing
• This Cold by John Frusciante
• Brickhouse covered by Rob Zombie with Lionel Richie
• Devour by Disturbed
• Baby Don't Cry (keep ya head up part II) by 2Pac and the Outlawz
  

Cartoons and Video Anyone?

I know I missed last weeks update, but, all two of those are on this weeks update, which is... large.

Strongbad and Homestars Pants - Strongbad gets an e-mail about homestar not wearing pants.

New Foamy - Foamy has the greatest idea in mail... EVER!

Aaaaaaahaaahaaaa - You'll understand soon enough...

The Real Mortal Combat - Kinda cheesy, but anything with mortal combat in it has to be good.

Panda - Panda's are cute and cuddly critters...

Bondage - Normally I like bondage, dominance, submission, and all that comes with it...

Commercial - I don't quite understand this commercial, all I know is that I love it.

Mr. T. Video (jacked from Froyd) - Mr. T rappin bout mammas.

Carl Lewis Video - Had to dig this one out from the dust. The Mr. T video made me think of it.

OH JOY!!!

The greatest thing to ever hit the internet. I'm happy. I could watch this ALL DAY!!!

(clicky and watchy)

It's Great Exercise

A new exercise fad has hit London, and its caused controversy. Many women have enrolled and taken up pole dancing as a way to keep fit. I've seen my share of women dancing on poles and I can say, without a doubt, its good exercise.

Now with that aside, there are already objections by some feminists to the trend.

"If you come from a secure economic background and you've got education then it isn't such a big thing to play with sex tourism. If you don't have these your status is very different," said Paula Black, a sociology lecturer at Sussex University

So, its ok to do if you have a societally deemed high background, but not if you don't? That has to be one of the most ass backwards statements I've ever read. That is speaking in terms of class differentiation between people. I don't believe in discrinating against people because of their social and economic backgrounds.

"The latest craze in erotic dancing doesn't change the way men look at women's bodies as sexual objects and puts pressure on women to achieve in yet another area."

As far as image is concerned, and portraying women as "sex objects" I have to give a big fuck-you to whoever says that. Men are sex objects too. Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Sean Connery, George Clooney, that elven dude from LOTR... The list can go on forever. BOTH SEXES ARE SEX OBJECTS!!! Its why humans have procreated. Man finds woman sexy, woman finds man sexy in return. Eventually they might even... have SEX!!! By doing so, humans procreate, keeping our species thriving.

These women who are taking the pole dancing classes are normal women, who are doing it to stay in shape, and maybe even to add a little spice to their sex lives. No harm in that.

When it comes to issues like sexual discrimination in the workplace, sexual harassment, then open your mouth and object. I'll be right there at your side preaching against the injustice. Do not complain about women being sexy, and enjoying it. To go against that would turn our western society into one envisioned by the Taliban. Cover up women, they are sexy, and we couldn't possibly have that.

So women, men, men who used to be women, women who used to be men: if you want to dance on a pole, for exercise, to be sexy, go ahead and do it if you enjoy it and it makes you feel good. If it doesn't, then don't do it. If you want to, and anyone says you shouldn't--tell them to fuck off. If you don't want to, and someone says you should--you can tell them to fuck off too.

(...gets down from his soapbox)

A New Crimefighter is.... Resurrected?

Normally, when I find something in the news, I find some way, shape, or form to make fun of it. Occasionally I come across some sad news, and I treat it appropriately. This one, is neither case.

A comic book company has created a new character to fight the forces of evil... Pope John Paul II. In it, he has come back to life and fights Satan and his minions with his supernatural powers. The company is in Columbia, but there are plans of sending it out to many other countries... the US is on the potential list.

Issue one should have him taking on the Anti-Christ. Yes, that would be dubs. I can see him shooting fire and demons out of his ears.

The Boondocks

Cooking, All Proper and Shit

While doing my normal browsing, I came across something interesting on a website I visit that is anti-PC, crude, rude, vulgar... you get the picture. They have started another site, but on cooking. Yes, the Fellows at somethingawful.com teach one and all how to cook.

They leave such great instructions as "don't touch the fucking thing for 5 minutes." They also share recipes for ramen and fried candy bars. I'm thankful for their ingenius idea.

Read, be amused, and enjoy the pictures and step by step instructions.

(another link thing if ya didn't click the one in the title.)

Polls

Today, two polls are coming down, and one is going up. Lets look at them thar results:

What would you do if you found a finger in your chili from Wendy's?

• 25% Keep Eating, You've always been curious about the taste of human flesh.
• 25% Scream and begin to lose the chili you already ate.
• 25% Look for the hidden camera, because you think you are on some new reality show.
• 25% Ask someone at the counter where the 9 fingered woman get's her nails done.

The Worst song Ever is?

• 43% Who let the dogs out
• 29% The Electric Slide
• 29% Shiny happy People

2008 Election

1. 36% Homer Simpson with the Bee
2. 33% Dave Chappelle as Rick James Bitch!!!
3. 22% Michael Moore, with extra Cheese
4. 8% Bill O'Reilly with a falafel

The new poll for the week is going to be...

Who would you rather throw rocks at?

• Yoko Ono
• Courtney Love

Slow Suicides No Way To Go

We all have our influences. Certain individuals manage to reach out and touch us, in some way, shape or form. Many of those people are constants in our lives. They are our family, our friends. Sometimes there are those who manage to reach us in other ways. They reach us through their art, their writings, their music. Even though they don't know us, we feel we know them.

Today, April 5th, 2005 is an anniversary of the passing of one person who has influenced my life. Layne Staley, the lead singer of Alice In Chains, died of a drug overdose 3 years ago. The news didn't shake the industry much. He had been rumored to have died countless times. He was a loner, and had all but dissappeared from the world by the time of his death.

The bands music and lyrics have been an odd comforting factor in my life since I started listening to them. Many would find their music to be dark and dreary. For me it was always a comfort. I listened to them when I was upset, and for some reason, everything became ok.

Layne was an amazing lyricist, with one of the most distinctive voices in rock history. He wrote a majority of AIC's lyrics, and also Mad Season, a side project he did with Mike McCready of Pearl Jam, Barret Martin and Mark Lanegan of the Screaming Trees, and John Baker Saunders in 1995.

Thank you for the music Layne. Its been with me for many years, and will continue to be.


Layne Staley (Aug 27, 1967-April 5, 2002)

Nutshell by Alice In Chains

We chase misprinted lies
We face the path of time
And yet I fight, and yet I fight
This battle all alone
No one to cry to
No place to call home

My gift of self is raped
My privacy is raked
And yet I find, and yet I find
Repeating in my head
If I can't be my own
I'd feel better dead

The City of Sin

I saw Sin City this evening. I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. It is far from being the standard fare of movies though.

If you are expecting a cohesive, linear storyline, and believable diagologue, don't see it.

If you would be interested in seeing a movie with characters, dialogue, and action that resembles a comic book... if you want to see some cool visuals... if you want to see a HELL of a lot of violence... if you can survive a lot of male genital mutilation... go see it.

I probably will never see the movie again, but I loved seeing it once.

Worst part about the movie: my love, Jessica Alba did not get naked. Good shot of her rump in some ass cutters though...

They're Not Dolls!!!

They're Action Figures!!!

I Hath Returneth

Pardon me for my brief dissappearance, I was in Chicago for the weekend babysitting the almighty Doom-Peace. She sends her love out to everyone.

I was unable to do my usual pirating of internet access through people who don't know how to encrypt their wireless routers. I shall resume posting... not tomorrow anymore, but later on today.