Vodka for the People

The government in Russia is thinking about creating a vodka "for the people." Seems that many people can't afford vodka, and are going to illegal knock offs that are more like rubbing alcohol than drinkable alcohol. They say that over 40,000 people died last year from drinking fake vodka.

Now, to fully explain a Russian and their Vodka, I must bring up a friend of a friend. He was born and raised in Russia. Out there he was supposedly a doctor, but out here... he's an electrician. Whenever anyone has something wrong, he tells them to rub "Spiritos" on it... which is a particular brand of Vodka. Plus the guy drinks a couple fifths of Vodka a day. (Two glasses, one with vodka, one with cranberry juice. Big gulp of vodka, small sip of cranberry. Repeat.)

Of course he also begins every physical with a palm reading... but that's another story.

Eh... at least the Russian government is open minded enough to care about tens of thousands dying of substance abuse. Not like we'd ever try to take a fresh approach to the drug epidemic here. We'll just change the font on the "Just Say No" posters, cuz that will make all the kiddies know not to do drugs.

Monte-Froydian Revenge!!!

If anyone remembers a while back, I posted a music video that was a parody of Justin Timberlake's video Sexy Back, which was called Paxil Back.

Well, Froyd got his revenge on me...

(click if you dare to witness Monte-Froydian Revenge)

My Little Buddy, Mike Tyson

Mike Tyson is rumored to be the new stud bull for the Heidi Fleiss escort service.

Just what everyone wants, is to be "escorted" by someone of such depth of knowledge, and deep sentiment as Mike Tyson. I'm sure he's quite the cuddly critter. There's probably tens of thousands of rich men... I mean women, who would pay for his "services."

So, here's a little music video someone made a while back, using a Todd Snider song called "Iron Mike's Main Man's Last Request."

Black Friday

Today is the most vile day of the Krimmus season, known as black friday. Its the day when thousands show up to buy two hundred items.

Now, I may still have a horrid retail job, but I'm not at one of the retail stores that has a disgustingly large and crazy sale. Few items, its a busier than usual day... but not insane.

Few years back... I faced crap like this. This is as an exact a picture I could find that covers it. It's even the same chain (Target) I worked for.



Looking at images like this reminds me of why I went back to school.

Damn capitalist pigs.

Happy Thanksgiving

May all you American's eat of the carcass of a large, flightless bird, then eat a pie made out of the meat of a large gourd.

To all you non-Americans... have a nice thursday.

Nintendorks

hehehe... Wii... hehe

A Major Award!!!

So, while shopping for T-shirts online, I found this.



If I only had $250 to blow on a lamp, this would be mine.

I only hope it would come in a big wood crate marked "FRAGILE" [pronounced frah - jee - lay] because as we all know... its I-talian.

Burka Ban

Dear Governments,

Quit banning stuff. You just end up making yourselves look like a bunch of intolerant asshats when you come up with some of these ideas. You can't fight someone elses cause... let alone take up a cause for some that don't even agree with you.

We have way too many self important people running around, its pathetic. Do a little research, and you'll find out many Muslim women actually like and identify with their own religion and culture!!! Whoa... there's a shock.

So, if you wanna put up a fight to take a law off the books that forces them to wear a hijab, scarlet letter, burka, crusifix, dress, etc. feel free. No one should be forced into wearing something they don't want to. BUT... Don't force people to not wear something either.

The entire "It promotes equality" is a bunch of bullshit. You can't create equality by taking away rights from one group. Sounds a bit one sided to me. Besides, people need to learn how to be tolerant of others, not force everyone to fit into the mold the majority wants everyone in.

I walk down the halls of my university, I see people of every race and religion known to man. Guess what? Even Muslim women. They range from I have no clue they are because they don't do anything, to full on stereotypical dress, to wearing a hijab with their shirt and jeans.

No one stampedes away.

I haven't seen anyone faint yet.

Why?

Its called tolerance. Some folks need to learn about it.

Nerd Extraordinaire!!!

So, if for your C# computer programming class, you turn in a very functional little .exe program, but change the icon in the corner of the main program window to an image of StrongBad's head, and change the program icon to something more meaningful than the little window... does that make you a nerd/dork/geek?

Giant Ravenous Snails

Giant ravenous snails have invaded the island of Barbados from Africa. The snails are proving to be quite destructive to local crops.

They eat the vegetation, namely sugar cane, bananas, papaya, and other native crops. The snails goo is also known to transmit disease.

While it may be easy to kill one of these large, lightning fast snails, they breed quickly. (What's grosser than gross? Two snails screwing in a bucket of snot.)

Thanks to the pleas of the serfdom, the governing forces have begun to combat the snails with giant salt shakers. This has slowed the infestation, but won't be enough to stop it, so they have sent for the masters of the salt shaker, the Ying Yang Twins to help. Little John and the Eastside Boys will come along too.

Those snails won't know what hit them.



(The article on giant snails and using giant salt shakers to fight them stolen from Christine. Elements involving Little John and other poor, tasteless humor is all thanks to me. Once again, I would like to thank Christine for supplying me with evil news ideas.)

Todd Snider at the Chicago Historical Museum

Odd combo here. Something about a museum devoted to the history of Chicago, and a Folk musician doesn't quite strike a connection. It ended up being a perfect match though.

After waiting for 3 years for the man to play a show in Chicago, I finally had my opportunity.

Problem...

He was playing on a Thursday. I'm the only person who is available to work my shift at work on a Thursday night. Well... one other person is, but they were working the morning shift, which I am unable to work because of my top priority in life, my education. Considering I had been mentioning the problems with having no one trained to work where I do for three months to management with no results (so I could have been responsible and gotten someone to take my shift), I did something for the second time ever in my 11 years of working: called off for illegitimate reasons.

The show and venue were top notch for him. He didn't have a backing band. It was just him, his acoustic guitar, and his harmonica. Really puts on a great show.

Todd is known for his sense of humor, and for telling the occasional 10 minute long story between 3 minute songs. A few times I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. He had one story about a song he wrote, that I amazingly found on You Tube.



He played for about two hours, with the crowd joining in on "Conservative Christian, Right Wing Republican, Straight White, American Males," "Alright Guy," and "Doublewide Blues."

The venue itself was basically just a small hall. If it would have been a full band, the acoustics would have been terrible. Being a small, intimate, performance with an acoustic guitar the natural echo of the place made everything sound better.

I'll definitely see the man play again.

For some reason, I think he would approve of my view on calling off work too.

WOW

As predicted, Democrats won control of the House.

The Senate is currently 49 Republicans, 48 Democrats, 2 Independents (both of whom fall more on the Dem side) and one race that it still too close in Virginia, where Dems are winning by .3%. Win there, the Dems have control of the Senate too.

What was even more shocking, is that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is being replaced.

Hopefully this means that things in this country will begin to get fixed, and not keep going in the horrible direction they've been heading. Hopefully it means that our immense problems in Iraq get fixed, and a good, strong, stable government is able to take control there.

Hopefully the house and senate spend the next two years fixing the problems, and not going on a manhunt. A few investigations are needed, but lets not hope they go overboard. What this country needs right now is unity, not scapegoats.

although, I do have to do something... that isn't PC...

Dear Republicans,
Where's your mandate now BEEEEEOOOOTCH!!!

Yeah... that felt nice.

Election Day Eve

Tomorrow is election day. Its not the super stellar one where we get to vote for someone to be a new president so monkeyboy is out of office, but... its almost as good.

With lots of votes for Democrats, and if one doesn't exist, Libertarians or some other fall back party, can create loads of shit for dubs. He'll start vetoing investigations into his plans to strip all people of their civil liberties and for cover ups to his own screw ups, etc.

In the case of a few Republicans... you know the ones, the ones like John McCain who actually have a brain and haven't been on their knees servicing dubs (or little boys) all this time... they are ok to vote for.

Preferably though, vote for big D's.

Everyone, pretend like you're in Chicago. Vote early. Vote often. Vote Democrat.

Who Wants to be a Millionaire with a Mustang?

The Friday Ten

I've been forgetting about that entire music thing, so this week I'm going to post the Ten songs that my iPod has been getting burnt out on playing so much lately.

1. Black No. 1 by Type O Negative - This song was a Halloween craving. Besides, any song that mentions a woman who has a date with Nosferatu has to be good.
2. Online by Gnarls Barkley - This song is like a mid to early nineties mash up of beats by Dr. Dre and the Beastie boys, but with some soul vocals. I can't seem to get enough of it.
3. Wide Awake by Audioslave - I'm still loving the new disc. I've been finding a new song off it I can't seem to get enough of regularly.
   
4. 12 Hundred by Mushroomhead - I'm just too big a fan of this band. Something about loud screams, guitar, piano, catchy beats and a DJ is too much of a sonic draw for me. In my old age I can't seem to handle the masks and all... but I'll let the kids love and fight over the gimmicks to sell CD's.
5. 30/30-150 by Stone Sour - more metal from the side project/alter band of Corey Taylor from Slipknot. This disc has been stellar too.
6. White Lexus by Mike Doughty - former Soul Coughing frontman really put together a great disc. This is a mellower song off the CD that just speaks to me. Really great lyrics.
7. Paxil Back by the Gray Kid - this parody of "sexy back" by Justin Timberlake is phenomenal. Made me forget about the new Weird Al CD.
8. Falling by Lacuna Coil - I will never be able to get enough of Cristina's voice. By far my favorite female rock/metal vocalist. Besides, any metal band hailing from Milan, Italy has to be high in my book. Not too far from my ancestors.
   
9. One More Night covered by Nina Gordon - everyone has been covering Phil Collins lately. Its mostly been metal bands, but hey... why not former lead singers of mid-nineties era female rock bands? Now... if I could only get a band together to cover Sussudio...
10. Little Ole Wine Drinker Me by Merle Haggard - Old School country rocks. A lot of people have jumped on the Johnny Cash bandwagon, some have found Willie Nelson... if you know both of them, check out some Merle Haggard. Good stuff.
    

Frankenstein Is a Double Agent

John "Frankenstein" Kerry is out again, trying to rack up votes... for the Republicans as usual.

His cursed, pidgeon sized brain made him make a stupid remark that he aimed at the President dubs. As we all know, dubs may be an idiot, but he'll win a cut down fight without even bringing up yo momma jokes.

So, I did some research, and found out that John Kerry's creator, Dr. Frankenkerry was a REPUBLICAN!!! Yeah, seems we were all fooled into thinking we had a thinking, intelligent candidate two years ago.

Well, now he's back trying to sabatage the 2006 election.

Luckily, Howard Dean reached back like a pimp and slapped Kerry a few times, and he said he'd shut up.

We can only hope.