The King

Today, on musical friday, I bring you my favorite Elvis song... The Promised Land.

Panasonic - Ideas For Life

In my days of youth, I was into the partying, oh yes. Parties, lots of people, alcohol... all any twenty something ever needed.

One night, I was at a party at TFG's (the fall guy's) girlfriend's parents house.

During the party, TFG decided to get rather drunk. He drank 3/4's of this HUGE bottle of Captain Morgan.

He then got into a fight with his girlfriend, and wanted me to take him home.

So, after we both urinated on her car door handle, like the mature young men we were, we hopped into my pickup and I began to take him home. I didn't know my way around, so I was relying on TFG in his drunken stupor to guide me.

Of course, being sober, it only took me one trip around the block to realize he was making me drive in circles. So, I saw a familiar street, and was headed out of the subdivision.

He told me "he loved her." He wanted me to stop the car and take him back.

Me, being the most stubborn man on the planet, said no.

He grabbed his DVD player, which he had brought over to the gf's but thought he should really take it home that night, and said...

"Stop the car. I'll walk."

Stubborness kicked in again, and I said no.

He then got a bright idea. He then cracked open the door, and said "dude, if you don't stop or turn around, I'm gonna jump"

To which I responded to by accellerating to about 45mph (73km/h).

He then jumped out, DVD player cradled in his arms.

I watched him tumble in my rearview mirror, bounce twice, as his sandals flew off his feet.

I stopped and turned around, to make sure he was alive. By the time I got back, he was walking limping down the side of the road, with his DVD player under one arm. I rolled down the passenger side window, and asked if he was ok.

He grabbed his bag out of the pick-ups bed, looked at me, and said "If you don't leave now, I'll fucking kill you."

I then drove away, and met up with some friends. He continued to limp back to his gf's house.

He still works. Our friendship is still close. He broke up with his girlfriend a few years later, and he had to change his phone number because she began to stalk him.

oh... and the DVD player still worked, even though it wasn't quite pretty anymore. Panasonic makes some good shit.

Greatest Prank EVER!!!

Landmarks of Sorts

Saturday, September 23, 2006...

the blog just turned 2 years old.

I just had my 800th post.

Unfortuneately... I haven't been posting here like I once was. This blog lost its way.

I've been seriously considering quitting it. I can't put forth the attention to it, and all my other writing endeavors, school, work... Just so much stuff.

I used to find so much in the news to make fun of. Now... I find near nothing. The news is filled with kids getting killed in a War in Iraq. Atrocities committed by my own government that are comparable to what I grew up as knowing as evil acts commited by dictators like Stalin and Hitler.

When you jokingly make a referance between Bush and Hitler, its funny, but makes you think. That's been the purpose of this blog. When it over and over becomes more of an honest comparo... its disturbing. It seems to be the beginnings of the US led Muslim Holocaust. Both sides of the war led by the Conservative Fundamentalists...

This post was going to be the last post of this blog a few days ago... I've changed my mind. I'm going to keep going. Can't give up my freedom of speech that has a small audience right before an election now can I?

Ride Lines (Don't Do It)

Anyone who lives in the Chicago area, knows of Great America. Most in the US have heard of the regional amusement parks run by "Six Flags."

The rest of you, think giant amusement park. Rollor coasters, long lines, overpriced nasty food, all that stuff.

Imagine that you can get a pass, to cut EVERYONE in line, for four people, for a full day...

Sounds pretty sweet huh?

What do you have to do to get a pass like that at Great America? Has to be expensive you figure, since tickets are now somewhere around $50 a person...

Simple. NO MONEY DOWN.

Doesn't cost you a penny.

Sounds too good to be true huh? Your just sitting there thinking, "what do I have to do to get such a great, and all powerful priveledge, to just skip past hundreds of people in line?"

Just gotta eat a live Madagascar Hissing Cockroach. Talk about a nice promotion huh?

The Lake County health department isn't too keen on it, but aren't stopping it because they can't present evidence that says its more dangerous than eating.... oh.... shrimp or prawns. Just be careful if you have food allergies really. People still have to pay the entrance fee, and they have to sign a waiver on the roach munching.

Glad about one thing: I'm terrified of roller coasters and wouldn't even be put in the place to make the decision.

The Caffeine Fix

As an American, it is my God given birthright to be an addict. Every one of us needs an addiction to at least one thing, preferably several. Be it alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, morphine, sex, drugs, rock and roll, God, food... whatever suits our fancy.

Over the years, I've decreased my addictions (after the initial taking on of addictions of course.) The caffeine fix has been one to stay. From growing up drinking coke out of the bottle (anyone else remember the big glass bottles of coke?) to my mid twenties coffee fanaticism to my new caffeine fix... green tea.

There is just something about the entire green tea thing that is a bit odd though... its healthy. This just doesn't seem right, as I'm used to my addictions being unhealthy. I read up on it, and it tells me its good for heart disease, high cholesterol, fighting cancer, losing weight, fighting infection, all while reducing plaque and killing bad breath.

That just ain't right.

So, time to cut down on the artificially flavored carbonated beverages (pop, soda, coke... whatever you call it), and replace that with the green tea, since the tea can't compete with coffee in the morning when it comes to the necessary caffeine requirement.

Good to know I won't shake the caffeine fix... especially since the newest addition is actually, dare I say it... healthy.

Evil Kitties?

They have sites for everything. This new one is semi disturbing... but too damn funny.

Cats that look like Hitler.

They Say Time Will, Make All This Go Away

Ever have one of them days?

After a long week of work, work, work, you finally get a reprieve and... just do not have the desire to do anything.

Could go out... but for some reason that just does not seem to be what you want. You do not want to be alone either, but that is not an easy fix for the elderly-single-introverted class like myself.

So, the choice is plan C... sit at home and just relax. It is desperately needed at this point of the week anyway. Its just not exactly the tops on your list.

This brings me to my friday song.

I am a huge fan of Ben Harper. He can not be put into a catagory, as he records everything from rock, to funk, to R&B, to folk... just an amazing singer-songwriter.

Found a live video of him doing one of my favorite songs of his... Walk away.

Oh no- here comes that sun again.
And (that) means another day without you my friend.
And it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself.
And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away.

With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away and head for the door.

We've tried the goodbye so many days.
We walk in the same direction so that we could never stray.
They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free,
but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.
They say time will make all this go away,
but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.
And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down
And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away, walk away and head for the door.
You just walk away - walk away - walk away.
You just walk away, walk on, turn and head for the door.

There Be Pirates... YAR!!!

Someone has put together a google map of where recent pirate attacks have occured around the world.

(Ahoy matey!!! YAR!!!)

Yes I'm a Model, You Know What I Mean...

Models were refused to work at a major fashion show in Madrid recently.

About 30% of them that had worked the show the previous year. Why might you ask? Simple. Their BMI was too low. They got rejected for being too damn skinny.

Apparantly some members of the fashion industry are finally taking steps to change the image of the model from being a sickly disgusting waif to a healthy woman.

I thank them for trying to start a trend, but until I see a woman weighing 150lbs, walking down the runway with a bucket of buffalo wings and a six pack of beer...

I Now Pronounce You Man and Goat

A man caught another man making sweet love to his goat one night. The startled man, in the heat of passion, with his hands in the goats silken hair was then caught and tied up by the goats owner.

The goats owner took him to the tribal council, who ruled the man must pay the other man a dowery because he used his goat like a wife.

Apparantly the man and the goat are still together.

Why can't people be normal like me? I lust after cartoon characters and will be dining on goat in a few weeks... mmmm... goat dinner....

Pigskin

Two football good things happened.

The Bears kicked some packer keister. DA BEARS!!! 26-0. First time in a very LONG time the packers have been shut out...

DA BEARS!!!


Muhsin Muhammad diving for a catch, proving he is a badass.

The other great football news, is Texas got their asses handed to them by Ohio State. Normally, I don't follow college football. Now, I have a new favorite team every week... Whoever is playing Texas.

Why don't I like Texas?

Because George W. Bush does.

This Means I'm an Adult, Right?

Today marks an anniversary. A 30 year one.

30 years ago, in lovely Harvey, Illinois, at about 1:30 PM a baby was born.

Me. Born September 11, 1976...

This one is a bit more reflective than usual. Really hard to put into words. I just look back at how my birthday's meaning has changed for me throughout the years.

When your little, its all about the presents and the cake. Oh... can't forget the party.

Then, you hit the late teens, early twenties. The birthday takes on a different meaning. Its about partying all right, but not quite the same as it was when you were little. Went from cake and milk to pizza and beer. And some more beer... and a few shots... like your age in them...

Then I hit 25. THE 9-11. Woke up a few days after a trip to Vegas to see the middle of the horror on TV. It did change me, as I'm sure it changed everyone else. Didn't do much celebrating that year.

Since then, its not been a wild party for me. I go about the day in a more subtle manner. Its not that I don't want the birthday wishes, or have issues with getting older. I still look like I'm in my early twenties, even if I don't feel it.

I'm happy on my birthday. It means I've made it another year. I look around, and I see a group of people I love, that love me back, support me. I look back and see everything I've been through, and where I've come. Especially the past five years. I've grown so much, and I'm on my way to great things.

I've gotton out of a dead end job, I've gotton past illness which took me through 14 months of not working and 9 doctors to which I still am in doubt about the diagnosis (even if they did halfway fix me), to working an almost full time job I enjoy, and being a full time student with a 3.7 out of 4.0 GPA since I went back.

They say in our society that you don't really become an adult till 30. Today, I've made that milestone. I don't know if I fully fall into that catagory as of yet, still being dependant on my parents... but I know I'm progressing on to that status. I just took that Gen X slacker thing a bit more seriously than others. Give me another couple years, when I can add a Bachelors Degree to my resume, and can get a job that actually pays real money... then I'll claim adult.

Until then, I'm a college kid with long hippy hair looking like I'm the same age as my classmates.

Sexiest Woman EVER!!!

Now, we all have had our various celebrity/famous people "crushes" throughout the ages.

Recently, I've begun to re-examine one of mine. Its not quite the norm. Its something from childhood. It explains a lot though. It explains why I live in a sick and twisted, yet humorous world.

Why so?

She's fictional.

Imaginary.

NOT REAL.

Still hot though.

Only thing is... I have found an image of her recently... and it drives me mad.

Just... Just... WOW!!!

In case you haven't guessed it yet, the original was not an actual person, or even a person playing a role.

No siree. It was a cartoon character.

Anyone remember G.I. Joe?

I now shall share with the world, I am obsessed with "The Baroness." I realize she's taken by the metal helmeted ass with the fake plastic chest Destro... but I just don't care.

Baroness, you will be mine... or at least I might luck into some girl who will get into said baroness costume... something like this...



oh yeah.

Best Disc of 2006... So Far

Several years back, I was upset by a couple of my favorite bands breaking up: Rage Against the Machine and Soundgarden.

A few years later, the band members of rage started jamming together with Chris Cornell (vocalist) from Soundgarden.

The first album was good, but they band hadn't developed its own sort of sound yet. It was kind of a Rage Against the Garden thing... The second disc took the sound up several notches. Incredibal disc.

Now, they've released a third. Its even better.

The band has gotton tighter and tighter. Cornell's vocals are dead on for this one. The band continues to evolve, and rocks better on this disc than the previous ones. Just amazing.

Here's my favorite song off the disc: One and the Same by Audioslave.


Powered by Castpost

And if that don't work... you can watch the video for the first single: The Original Fire.

Or do both...

Crikey!!!

Steve Irwin, better known as The Crocodile Hunter was killed.

He was filming an underwater documentary and took a stingray barb to the chest.

Paramedics rushed to the scene and tried to save him, but weren't successful.

Homemade Music Videos

I love it when people make music videos at home. (if I can figure out an easy way to do it, I just might get an old one I made on YouTube...)

But I digress...

Someone made a video for a Depeche Mode song called "John the Revolator."

FiFi... ATTACK!!!

Want a dog that will bring all the bad boys to the yard, then kill em?

Just get a doberman and a poodle kit for it.

Its all the rage.

(poodle kit for dobermans)

Breakin' the Law, Breakin the Law...

I'm a law breaker.

I downloaded most of the new Mushroomhead disc that is coming out on September 19th. I just couldn't wait.

Might I add, the disc kicks ass, and I'll be ready to repent for my sins on September 19th by buying a real copy. (I'm a believer in supporting good music with my hard earned money.)

I was a bit worried about the band though. One of the vocalists is different. Only thing is, after hearing the new stuff... the new guy is better. Can pull off the screaming just as well, but can also sing.

I know the band just got finished shooting a music video for the first release off the new album, and while searching for it on YouTube I found an older song that someone made a video for using footage from, of all movies, Moulin Rouge.

So, for my friday music, I'll be using a YouTube video, since Castpost seems to have turned back to bullshit again.

Here it is, "One More Day" by Mushroomhead with a Moulin Rouge video. I'd normally embed the video, but the creator has disabled that feature.
(link to video)