How Bird Flu Could Have Been Prevented

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Film Yourself and 6 Other Guys...

Remember that big, shocking, controversy during the Bubba years? No, not the Monica under the desk one. (Is that all you sex starved Republicans can think of?) No, the "don't ask don't tell" policy. Yeah, the policy that got conservatives in an uproar because a gay man could get into the military, and got liberals in an uproar because it didn't guarentee a gay or lesbians right to openly be who they are. (I look back on that one as a good move, since it was a step in the right direction.)

Well, it appears someone forgot to add onto it that as a male soldier, you shouldn't get paid to have sex with other men and have that video broadcast on the net. I'd consider being a gay prostitute/porn star wouldn't go well with the military, but thats me. I figure it ranks with being a hetero prostitute porn star in the military.

(begin tangent)
Prostitution and soldiers don't go well together, unless it is just paying for them in 'Nam... then its ok. Unless the soldier is married. Yeah... that' s it.

Hmmm... I wonder if there are working women in Iraq. Must be harder to spot than it was in 'Nam. In 'Nam (at least according to Full Metal Jacket) they dressed the part, and said things like "10 dolla, me love you long time."

For some reason I can't picture someone in a burka pulling that one off.

(that was a bit of an odd tangent, now wasn't it?)

Now where was I. Oh yes, gay prostitution and soldiers.

Yeah, I'm against American Soldiers doing porn... be it within our own borders, or shoving things up detainee's bums and taking pictures of it in the name of national security. They are both bad.

To all the other guys out there, doing what they should be doing, and trying to make the world a better place, thanks. I know I couldn't do it. (and no, not because I'd be doing porn. Get your minds out of the gutter. Jeepers.)

Kevin Federline, K-Fed, Kevvie Fedder...

I have recently come up with another one of my ingenious ideas, that I need help with. So, I am enlisting all of YOU to help.

I have a dream. I have a dream that my 2005 Person of the Year Kevin Federline gets what he deserves. We all know the man must be extremely talented. I mean, c'mon, Kevvie Fedder got that white trash bisquick queen Brit-knee. He needs everyone to jump on his bandwagon.

So, this is what I ask. Although Kevvie Fedder doesn't know when his steller new CD is going to come out, here is the plan for when it does.

1. On release date, everyone must buy this disc. EVERYONE!!!
2. Take the CD home, leave it unopened in the bag, with the receipt.
3. One week later, return the CD to the store where purchased, and get a refund.

This will only work if you don't open it. BUT... it may make his cd get tons of sales in one week, then negative sales the following week.

Pass this on. Mass forward it and tell people Winnie the Pooh will die if they don't forward it on. Tell them not forwarding it will make them ashamed of Jesus. Tell them they'll have bad sex with raw spoiled bacon on a daily basis for the next 40 years if they don't do it.

Whatever it takes. BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!!

We must get Kevvie Fedder and his Popozao to get the record of most CD's returned in one week.

Although, Popozao makes more sense than Laffy Taffy shaking.

...and This Little Piggy Went WTF!!!

PETA's back, back again...

This time protesting the teaching of Pig Castration in schools. Seems that the systematic removal of pig testicles from live animals is offensive to PETA. Especially since it was done in an agricultural class in a High School, for a bunch of kids who might need to know that skill on the farm.

I know if I had to be castrated like a pig, I'd much rather have it done by someone who was guessing at the best way to do it, rather than someone who was taught the quickest, easiest, and safest way to do it. Would be much more ethical to have some idiot with a rusty butter knife going at it than someone who was fully trained in the art.

AND... some kids were upset and one lost their sausage McMuffin from watching. Awwwwww. This goes well with the mentality of people nowadays.

Come to think of it...

I believe it is unethical, immoral, AND against my religious beliefs to be a clown. Clowns are the reason why the world has been in decline. Therefore, I am going to go to clown college. When I get bad grades in clown college, I will cry persecution. When my employer tries to make me be a clown, I will do the same. I will sue all involved, make millions, and finally buy my compound in Montana.

Yes, that is the plan.

On the other hand...

OUCH!!! They cut off the poor piggies nuggetts without it being sedated!!! That has to hurt. Glad I'm a person and not a pig. Maybe an infidel, but not a pig. Capitalists are pigs. I'm a bear. A big, commie, bear. A big, cuddly, commie, bear. That's it.

Ok, done rambling for a bit.

New Achievement of Dorkdom

Since I have way too much info on my desktop, I decided the best way for me to experiment and toy would be to use my laptop, which with the addition of my iPod to my lineup of toys has made my laptop having 37 gigs of music unecessary.

So, I wiped the HD, partitioned it, and am now, after a few technical issues, running a dual boot system with Windows XP and Linux. Both run, and I am right now updated windows to SP2. Now, I just have to download ten billion programs, get my home network running properly again... yes... lotsa fun.

Now... I just have to figure out exactly how much I can do with linux. The free office software seems useful and all, just like all the other free stuff that Microsoft would have charged me at least 400 bucks for... now to utilize these things....

Dick Cheney's Got a Gun....

Music Video Good.

Me Likey.

Brokeback to the Future

Johari Winder

I got a winder. You folks can fill er out, if y'all likes. Tanks.

(translation: I discovered a website that allows you to create a Johari window, and allow other's to add to it. I found it fascinating. If any of you would like to, you may add to it. Thank you)

Michael's Johari Window

The iTunes Quiz

How many songs: 7,414

Sort by song
First song: 'a bunch of muppets' by Clerks Soundtrack
Last song: Zoe Jane by Staind

Sort by artist
First artist: (hed) planet earth
Last artist: Zwan

Sort by time
Shortest song: Yo Vanilla by Vanilla Ice :04
Longest song: You're All Diseased by George Carlin (whole comedy show) 1:02:13, actual song that isn't half blank sound is a live Grateful Dead song, Turn on Your Love Light, at 23+ minutes.

Sort by album
First album: (hed)P.E.
Last Album: Zooropa

Top Three Most Played Songs
1. What Kind of Woman Is This? by Buddy Guy (26)
2. Lonely Day by System of a Down (23)
3. The Undertaker by Puscifer (18)
(all songs I got after I got the iPod. since my car listening began to be counted on the pod. Several songs should be over 100, if my CD listening in the car pre-pod were counted.)

Song That First Comes Up On Shuffle
Precipitation by Les Claypool and the Holy Mackerel

Search . . .
by "sex," how many songs come up? 29
by "death," how many songs come up? 66
by "love," how many songs come up? 278
by "you," how many songs come up? 570

Clinton Should Have Listened to Saddam

Well, its official. Saddam does know all.

He knows Doritos are the tastiest chips known to man. He also knew the US was going to face a future terror threat in 1995.

He even warned us about it.

Seems some tapes of Saddam talking to Tariq-daddy came up, with them discussing how any individual could do serious damage. They also stated that "Any biologist can make a germ bottle and drop it into a septic tank and kill 100,000... This is not done by a state... an individual can do it."

So, if Bubba would have listened to Saddam in 1995, none of this would have ever happened.

Damnit Bubba, too busy getting your knob polished to listen to The Almighty Saddam.

Saddam for President '08!!!

Noell Tagged Me!!!

I got tagged by Noell, so, here goes.

The way it works.

Knock the top name off the list below. Add yours to the bottom.

Lutheranchik
Rebel Without a Pew
Clever Title Here
Ramblings from a Disenchanted Idealist
YummyBrainGravy

Tag five people for this meme

1. Erin
   
2. Jenni
3. Leah
4. Marieke
5. Ann
   

anyone can get tagged if they want to.

What were you doing 10 years ago?

I was... 19, single... probably hanging out in a buddies garage with the propane heater on full blast getting fucked up.

What were you doing a year ago?

According to my LJ, I spent the entire day in bed because my pain meds weren't doing shit.

5 snacks you enjoy

1. Meat
2. Trail Mix
3. Hostess Fruit Pies
4. Cappucino
5. Chocolate
   

5 Songs to which you know all the words

1. Would? by Alice In Chains
2. Hit Em Up by Tupac
3. Summer Wind by Sinatra
4. The Man in Black by Johnny Cash
5. The Right Stuff by New Kids On The Block
   

5 things you'd do if you were a millionare

1. See how long it takes me to get fired from job. (which will probably happen five minutes after I tell someone shopping to fuck their pet goat.)
2. Drop out of school.
3. Buy a compound in the middle of nowhere (50's era bombshelter is a requirement, along with a T3 connection).
4. Learn the ancient ways of the automechanic, and just buy and fix up old cars as a hobby.
5. Give money to the humane society, ASPCA... various critter help places, but NOT PETA!!!
   

5 bad habits

1. Procrastination
2. keeping secrets
3. avoiding human contact
4. knowing thinking I'm always right
5. (if you could ask her) not petting my cat
   

5 things you enjoy doing

1. Cooking meat over fire.
2. Playing on Comp
3. Driving
4. Listening to Music
5. Being Impure
   

5 things you would not wear again

1. Tight Rolled Jeans
2. Z-Cavaricci's
3. A Beret (part of the marching band uniform from High School)
4. Stone Washed Jeans
5. Little boy's jeans (haven't worn any of those since I was a little boy)
   

5 favorite toys

1. Computer
2. iPod
3. ummm... enterainment center?
4. my kitty???
5. silver bells on a string...
   

Romance Blossoms In the Funeral Home

Where should you go to pick up a man/woman?

The funeral home!!!

A man and a woman were going to a grief support group after their spouses of 40 years passed away... and hooked up. Now, they wanna get married so where are they gonna do it at? The funeral home.

Yes, those crazy kids put the fun in funeral.

Wonder if they are going to leave the wedding in the back of a hearse? Bettered at least leave driving one. Then make a quick booty call in a Burger King parking lot in the back. If this hearse is a rockin...

VD... Not Vin Diesel or Venerial Disease...

Happy heavily armed naked baby with wings day.

May all those who wish to get molested luck into that sort of thing. For those of you who do not like being molested, may you eat a really good sammich. If you don't like sammiches, may you experiance total clarity for 1/100,000,000,000th of a second, come to your senses, and make out with the first sammich you can get your filthy hands on.

And the Grammy Goes To...

SLIPKNOT!?!?!?!?

Yes, the boys from Iowa won a Grammy.

I didn't watch the award show, as I protest the Grammy's as being the old people pick awards for music they don't understand or listen to awards.

It made me happy to find out some nice boys like Slipknot (who do produce some damn fine metal) won an award. Much better than when the awards shows try to tell me that a band like Creed is metal.

Another award that I was happy about was System of a Down winning one for Hard Rock. Especially since the chorus of the song is:

Blast off, it's party time,
And we don't live in a fascist nation,
Blast off, it's party time,
And where the fuck are you?
….. Yeah
Where the fuck are you?
Where the fuck are you?

Why don’t presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why don’t presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor? [X4]

Unfortuneately, it beat out my favorite Audioslave song, ever, Doesn't Remind Me.

And even worse than that, Buddy Guy didn't win the Grammy for Best Contemporary Blues Album.

Slumberbowl XL

Yeah, I tried to watch it. I kept dozing off. Can't comment much on the game, just know it couldn't hold my interest.

I did manage to watch the halftime show. Janet and Justin, I really hate both of you now.

The superbowl halftime used to be filled with currently talented, famous, and marketable acts. Last few years we've been getting the geriatric treatment. McCartney last year suprised me, as he had a good performance. This year though... the Rolling Stones?

It was by far the worst halftime show I've ever seen. Mick Jagger needs to eat something. The man makes an Olsen twin look fat. Let alone that putrid dance that he was doing. The wave my hands in the air, shake my hips, white girl with no rhythm dance has to go. Then the man proceeded to limp around stage. Ozzy Osbourne has done ten times the drugs as Mick, bitten heads off of various animals, and STILL moves around better than that.

Not to mention, the vocals were sub par, they couldn't time beginnings of songs, and regularly Keith would go off into some entirely different tempo than the rest of the band. It was an off key, sloppy performance.

Bring back the days of Brittany Spears and Nelly. At least then we had eye candy.

Astronomy Picture of the Day

I get an astronomy picture every day. For the most part, I look, read the description, and move on. I was especially taken by todays, so I'm sharing.



Its called a sun pillar. It is when the sun set and reflects off of falling ice crystals.

My Liberal, Immoral, Elitist Views on Marriage

A little boy (15 years old) ran away from his group home in Georgia. He has had no contact with his wife (37 years old). Forgot to mention, she is also carrying his baby, which is due to be born soon.

Me being the immoral, elitist, liberal that I am, looks down upon the marriage of people who are well into their adulthood marrying and making babies with children. Its just that really messed up non family values thing that we have as a group.

We just can't understand the love that can blossom between a woman who is over twice the age of a boy, and their love child. Besides, all we want to do is have gay sex, which doesn't produce babies, and then abort every baby on the planet, and force those ways upon everyone else, because we are right.

That is the immoral, elitist, liberal way isn't it?

(the real article)

Punxsutawney Phil is a Jive Turkey

It is that time of year again. When that little biznitch Punkuhtawnee Phil comes out and acts like he has some sort of super powers. We all know he ain't nothin.

Long term followers know that I had my own groundhog like animal to predict the end of winter. Unfortuneately, after accurately picking the end of winter for 18 straight years, the Foo Fighter became one with the force.

So, for this year, I bring forth her protege. The kitten turned cat turned groundhog that she had many battles with before she moved. The cat who then tormented the Foo Fighters littermate (my cat) afterword. I bring you, the Siamese style fighting cat known as...

The MEESH.


In case you couldn't tell, the Meesh is ferocious. Its in her nature, being a siamese style fighting cat. She has to be fierce. She brings fear into the hearts of other's by her mere appearance.

It is easy to tell when she is preparing to attack, since her eyes glow red. (actual picture)


This year, the Meesh in her overstuffed sausage form, has made it her duty to do the Foo Fighter justice, and predict if winter was over, or if it would last longer.

The Meesh did not see her shadow today. This aggravated Meesh. So, after slaughtering a colony of helpless Jawas, she decided she wants warm weather, birdies to watch, and endless sunbeams. So, she decided to let us all have spring early.

Now, thank the Meesh, or she will hunt you down and destroy your weak human body.

Republican Mentality

I will NEVER understand this mentality.

Ask many Republicans about their opinion of raising minimum wage. They will shoot it down with anything they can grasp at. Tell people that if their job is unneeded, or unskilled, they need to get those skills. Then they'll approve a bill to cut student loan subsidies (making it more expensive for students to go to school to get an education).

On the same bill, they'll raise spending by $1 billion to dairy farm subsidies. How forward thinking is that? We cut the spending to our college students, and outright refuse to raise the minimum wage (which many college students work at trying to finance their education), but increase our spending on bailing out farms that just can't compete, and/or keeping milk prices higher. (not sure exactly which form of subsidy this one is)

Know why? Its simple. Poor college students can't slip politicians money under the table. Lobbyists for dairy farmers sure can.

This is precisely why this country is fucked.

Destiny's Child

No, I'm not talking about Beyonce's bootiliciousness. I'm talking about me, and of myself being a child of destiny. (and NO, my Mommy's name isn't destiny.)

Astronomers had discovered a possible 10th planet last year. It lies beyond Pluto. Some have recently come up with a measurement for it... which makes it larger than Pluto. This makes the debate wage on as to whether it is a planet, and if it isn't... how is pluto a planet.

I wish they would just make a decision, as this information weighs heavily upon my destiny.

I'm a Virgo. Before you hit next page, let me finish.

Every sign has a ruling planet. There are only 11 planets right now according to astrology. The 9 planets, the sun, and the moon. Due to the lack of planets to cover all 12 signs, two signs share a planet. Those two signs are Gemini and Virgo. They share Mercury.

Mercury is a fast moving planet, and causes a lot of chaos for its children. Mercury influences Geminis physically, making them have to be active in a physical sense non-stop. Mercury influences Virgos mentally. Our minds are constantly in motion.

If/when a tenth planet is discovered, it becomes the ruling planet for Virgo.

Now do you see the whole picture?

My entire existance is held in the hands of these Astronomers. Please, make a decision, so I can have a more accurate horoscope. Give me my own ruling planet. Sharing a ruling planet with a set of twins (of course one of them is evil) is getting too hard for me.